Scrubs (TV Series)

My Last Chance (2004)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Quotes 

• J.D. : I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly

• J.D. : If you bring sarcasm my way, baby, prepare to be stung.

  Elliot : J.D...

  J.D. : So's your face.

  Elliot : That doesn't even make any sense.

  J.D. : 'So's your face' always makes sense.

  Carla : J.D., that's stupid.

  J.D. : So's your face! Man, I am on fire, hello.

• Elliot : Admit we're not even, or I'll make you pay.

  J.D. : Heh, yeah, now that we're friends and there's no chance of us ever having sex again, there's really not a whole lot I

  [air quotes] 

  J.D. : "need" from you, okay? So g'head and give it your best shot.

  [hops on a passing gurney] 

  J.D. : Andele, Juan!

• Dr. Christopher Turk : Dude, now that I have adjusted your fuel valve, your scooter is going to fly!

  J.D. : Speaking of things that are fly, I made out with Molly last night. I know that was kind of a lame segue, but I've been with you all morning and you've yet to use the words "make" or "out."

• Elliot : [over the phone]  J.D., this is ridiculous, it's 4 o'clock in the morning. Even if you catch her, she's leaving for the airport in like ten minutes.

  J.D. : That's perfect! That'll leave us five minutes to cuddle!

• J.D. : [Voice over, while making out with Molly]  God bless Molly Ringwald. And this Molly. Ah, the hell with it! God bless Mollys everywhere!

• J.D. : Hey, Elliot, I was making out some prescription orders -- and speaking of making out...

  Elliot : She already told me, J.D.

  J.D. : Oh, damn, I was afraid that was gonna get out.

  [raising voice] 

  J.D. : Does anybody else know that I totally made out with Molly?

• Dr. Molly Clock : Look, I'm sorry, but I'm attracted to damaged, dysfunctional people, and you're just too normal.

  J.D. : [Voice over]  Sometimes all it takes is a slammin' hottie to make you dig down deep and discover who you really are.

  [Aloud] 

  J.D. : My emotional journey began at five years old when I walked in on my parents having sex in a position my father would later playfully describe as "the jackhammer." I have a mentor that verbally abuses me every chance he gets, and no matter how much I try, I can't stop constantly narrating my own life.

  [Voice over] 

  J.D. : At that very moment, I feared I had divulged too much.

  [Aloud] 

  J.D. : Molly, I'm narcissistic, I'm pessimistic, I'm obsessive, I'm insecure. And I am so afraid of intimacy that every one of my relationships is a journey of self-sabotage that inevitably ends in a black vacuum of shattered expectations and despair.

  Dr. Molly Clock : Wow.

  [She kisses him passionately] 

• Dr. Molly Clock : J.D., you just don't have that edgy mean streak that I'm attracted to.

  J.D. : [J.D. shoves Turk off the wheelchair ramp as he's walking past]  You were saying?

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [Turk clamors back up]  Dude, what the hell?

  [J.D. leans down and whispers in his ear] 

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Oh, that's what's up. Go about your business.

• J.D. : [coming out of a fantasy]  You ever get the feeling our patients pretend to be sicker when we're around?

  Elliot : Oh, yeah. You know Mrs. Wilson back there? She made her spleen pretend to rupture, and then she pretended to die.

  [a body is wheeled through] 

  Elliot : Got me again, there, Mrs. Wilson!

• Dr. Christopher Turk : [stranded by Carla]  Where were you?

  J.D. : I was treed by that coyote!

  Dr. Christopher Turk : You got your phone?

  J.D. : [feebly pauses]  He took it.

• Elliot : [about Molly]  I can't believe she's leaving!

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Hospital just lost its second-hottest employee.

  Carla : Don't think you can drool all over her just because you rank me number one.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Baby, Nurse Tisdale's number one.

  [Carla gives him a dirty look] 

  Dr. Christopher Turk : You g--you gotta be single to be on the list.

  Elliot : You actually rank the women of this hospital by their appearance?

  J.D. : Calm down, Twelve.

  Elliot : [to self]  Yes, top twenty!

• J.D. : [after making out]  Should we get out of here?

  Dr. Molly Clock : D'you think you can handle it?

  J.D. : No. But you won't know until after.