Scrubs (TV Series)

My Jiggly Ball (2006)

Donald Faison: Dr. Christopher Turk

Quotes 

• Keith : Nailed it!

  J.D. : Good job man! What did you say?

  Keith : Well, I just told him there's nothing more we can do right now.

  Turk and J.D. : Ohhhhh!

  Keith : What?

  J.D. : "Nothing more we can do right now" implies there may be something we can do tomorrow.

  Keith : Well, I also said we'd make him as comfortable as possible.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Sounds like someone's getting new pillows and a comforter.

  Keith : That man knows he's doomed!

  [the patient happily waves at them] 

  J.D. : Yeeeah, I'm gonna need you to go back in there and use some form of the words die, dead, dying, deadsies, deadwood. Your choice.

  Keith : What was the middle one?

  J.D. : Deadsies.

• Dr. Christopher Turk : Elliot, nobody respects clinic doctors.

  Dr. Elliot Reid : Really, Turk? I think your hernia patient does.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [Laughing]  I'm not upset about that!

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : It's obvious you are.

  J.D. : It's more obvious to me, baby - I mean Turk.

  Dr. Elliot Reid : Look, I know this place isn't the greatest, but it's not like I lie awake thinking about being yelled at by Dr. Cox or playing Jiggly Ball with the orderlies.

• Dr. Christopher Turk : Mr. Keck! What do you say we get you into surgery and take care of that hernia!

  Mr. Keck : Ummm, I don't know if surgery is necessary. Last night I was in pain, so I went to a free clinic. The doctor there said surgery wasn't my only option.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Well, you're just gonna have to get him on the phone and tell him that I won't be second-opinioned by a clinic doctor who couldn't carry my jockstrap!

  [Holds his hand up to J.D] 

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Gimme some!

  J.D. : [High-fives him]  Here it is.

  Dr. Elliot Reid : [in Free Clinic, on the phone with Mr Keck]  Yeah, I think I know this guy. Is he a cocky black doctor with a white doctor following him around and looking at him like he's in love?

  J.D. : [in in Mr Kecks room] 

  [to Turk] 

  J.D. : You would make a pretty girl.

  Mr. Keck : [Into phone]  Yeah.

  Dr. Elliot Reid : [back in Free Clinic]  All right, now repeat after me...

  Mr. Keck : [to Turk]  "You can't decide for me, that's not your duty."

  Dr. Elliot Reid : And are they both trying not to laugh at the word "duty"?

  Mr. Keck : [J.D. and Turk try to hold their giggles back] 

  [Into phone] 

  Mr. Keck : Yeah. Hey, Heckle and Jeckle, you know what? No surgery.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [Grabbing the phone]  Who the hell is this?

  Free Clinic Patient : [into Phone]  Where are my shoelaces?

  Dr. Elliot Reid : I said to tell him that he had a laxity in the peritoneal wall and that surgery was unnecessarily invasive! Was that so hard?

• Nurse Carla Espinosa : Guys, listen, we really need to help Elliot.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Baby, she said she doesn't want to be helped.

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : If J.D. were drowning and he told you he didn't want you to save him, wouldn't you do it?

  Dr. Christopher Turk : That depends. What if there're hot chicks at the pool? Maybe he wants one of them to jump in and save him?

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Let's say there's no women.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : There's always women at the pool, baby!

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Fine. He's in a pond.

  J.D. : Oh, I would never swim in a pond! They're infamous for serpents!

  Dr. Christopher Turk : You could swim at the Y on Tuesdays - men only

  J.D. : Have you been to the Y on man night? Not me.

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : N - oka - fine! Turk's the one who's drowning!

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Oh! So now a brother can't swim!

  J.D. : Why do you have to go there?

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Oh my God! I would rather play Jiggly Ball than try to explain this to you two idiots.

  J.D. : [thinking]  She's the idiot! We're doctors.

• Dr. Elliot Reid : I told you guys to leave it alone.

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Oh, would you stop being so proud?

  Dr. Elliot Reid : I'm proud? Carla! After the wedding, you wouldn't even take Turk's name!

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : I use it for official things!

  Dr. Elliot Reid : Letting him call you Mrs. Turk in the bedroom isn't official.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : But it is officially hot!

  Dr. Elliot Reid : And Turk, you freaked out when the hernia patient listened to me over you. And J.D.! You just let the entire hospital pummel you with tennis balls because you were too proud to admit you didn't know what "Jiggly Ball" was.

• Chris Turk : [while stuck in a vending machine]  I paid for my Rolos! I'm getting my Rolos!