Scrubs (TV Series)
My Jiggly Ball (2006)
Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian
Photos
Quotes
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Keith : Nailed it!
J.D. : Good job man! What did you say?
Keith : Well, I just told him there's nothing more we can do right now.
Turk and J.D. : Ohhhhh!
Keith : What?
J.D. : "Nothing more we can do right now" implies there may be something we can do tomorrow.
Keith : Well, I also said we'd make him as comfortable as possible.
Dr. Christopher Turk : Sounds like someone's getting new pillows and a comforter.
Keith : That man knows he's doomed!
[the patient happily waves at them]
J.D. : Yeeeah, I'm gonna need you to go back in there and use some form of the words die, dead, dying, deadsies, deadwood. Your choice.
Keith : What was the middle one?
J.D. : Deadsies.
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Dr. Perry Cox : Look, if you get up there and start kissing Kelso's ass, all your fellow attendings will forever think of you as a brown-nosing toady. On the other hand, if you don't pucker up, Kelso will make your life a living hell. You're officially trapped.
J.D. : I'll just say something nice about him that's actually true.
Dr. Perry Cox : You go do that. And I'll go find God, quit drinking, get in touch with myself emotionally, and we'll meet right back here at half past impossible. Mm'kay?
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Dr. Christopher Turk : Elliot, nobody respects clinic doctors.
Dr. Elliot Reid : Really, Turk? I think your hernia patient does.
Dr. Christopher Turk : [Laughing] I'm not upset about that!
Nurse Carla Espinosa : It's obvious you are.
J.D. : It's more obvious to me, baby - I mean Turk.
Dr. Elliot Reid : Look, I know this place isn't the greatest, but it's not like I lie awake thinking about being yelled at by Dr. Cox or playing Jiggly Ball with the orderlies.
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J.D. : Can you believe Elliot's working in a free clinic?
Dr. Perry Cox : Who?
J.D. : Dr. Reid?
Dr. Perry Cox : I'm sorry, that's just not ringing a bell.
Nurse Carla Espinosa : She and J.D. used to sleep together.
Dr. Perry Cox : J.D.?
J.D. : That's not even funny!
Dr. Perry Cox : Priscilla, I honestly, on my mother's grave, thought your real name was Carol.
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Dr. Christopher Turk : Mr. Keck! What do you say we get you into surgery and take care of that hernia!
Mr. Keck : Ummm, I don't know if surgery is necessary. Last night I was in pain, so I went to a free clinic. The doctor there said surgery wasn't my only option.
Dr. Christopher Turk : Well, you're just gonna have to get him on the phone and tell him that I won't be second-opinioned by a clinic doctor who couldn't carry my jockstrap!
[Holds his hand up to J.D]
Dr. Christopher Turk : Gimme some!
J.D. : [High-fives him] Here it is.
Dr. Elliot Reid : [in Free Clinic, on the phone with Mr Keck] Yeah, I think I know this guy. Is he a cocky black doctor with a white doctor following him around and looking at him like he's in love?
J.D. : [in in Mr Kecks room]
[to Turk]
J.D. : You would make a pretty girl.
Mr. Keck : [Into phone] Yeah.
Dr. Elliot Reid : [back in Free Clinic] All right, now repeat after me...
Mr. Keck : [to Turk] "You can't decide for me, that's not your duty."
Dr. Elliot Reid : And are they both trying not to laugh at the word "duty"?
Mr. Keck : [J.D. and Turk try to hold their giggles back]
[Into phone]
Mr. Keck : Yeah. Hey, Heckle and Jeckle, you know what? No surgery.
Dr. Christopher Turk : [Grabbing the phone] Who the hell is this?
Free Clinic Patient : [into Phone] Where are my shoelaces?
Dr. Elliot Reid : I said to tell him that he had a laxity in the peritoneal wall and that surgery was unnecessarily invasive! Was that so hard?
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J.D. : [narrating] I don't know why we were running. Because I think we both knew that we couldn't change anything. Because given a choice between a rich guy and a poor guy, it was pretty obvious who Bob Kelso would put in the drug trial... and who he'd leave behind. Another banner day at Sacred Heart. A best friend stuck in a crappy job... A nice guy slowly dying without a fighting chance. It's a wonder how anyone can walk out of this place with a smile on their face.
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Nurse Carla Espinosa : Guys, listen, we really need to help Elliot.
Dr. Christopher Turk : Baby, she said she doesn't want to be helped.
Nurse Carla Espinosa : If J.D. were drowning and he told you he didn't want you to save him, wouldn't you do it?
Dr. Christopher Turk : That depends. What if there're hot chicks at the pool? Maybe he wants one of them to jump in and save him?
Nurse Carla Espinosa : Let's say there's no women.
Dr. Christopher Turk : There's always women at the pool, baby!
Nurse Carla Espinosa : Fine. He's in a pond.
J.D. : Oh, I would never swim in a pond! They're infamous for serpents!
Dr. Christopher Turk : You could swim at the Y on Tuesdays - men only
J.D. : Have you been to the Y on man night? Not me.
Nurse Carla Espinosa : N - oka - fine! Turk's the one who's drowning!
Dr. Christopher Turk : Oh! So now a brother can't swim!
J.D. : Why do you have to go there?
Nurse Carla Espinosa : Oh my God! I would rather play Jiggly Ball than try to explain this to you two idiots.
J.D. : [thinking] She's the idiot! We're doctors.
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J.D. : Guys, why?
Nurse Carla Espinosa : The Janitor told us that if we pretended to know about Jiggly Ball, we get to throw tennis balls at you.
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J.D. : Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Bob Kelso is a...
Dr. Bob Kelso : [Rises and takes the mic] Thank you, Dr. Dorian!
[the audience claps]
Dr. Bob Kelso : Thank you so much for this award. Delighted to see you all...
Dr. Perry Cox : Did I say he wanted a long introduction? Because Kelso just, he just likes when people say his name. Hope you didn't obsess too much about that, Newbie.
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J.D. : As far as Bob Kelso goes, I know sometimes even the good things he does are for the wrong reasons. Still, I also know that I wouldn't want to have to make any of the decisions that he makes.
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J.D. : I can't believe you kept a secret. Remember before your wedding when you sold me out to Turk?
Nurse Carla Espinosa : J.D., you showed up drunk at my shower screaming through tears that I'd never be as emotionally connected to him as you are.
J.D. : Turk knew I was joking.
[Voice over]
J.D. : Because we're so emotionally connected.
