Scrubs (TV Series)

My Jiggly Ball (2006)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Dr. Bob Kelso : This Friday, I am receiving an award from the A.M.A...

  Dr. Perry Cox : Jerk-Off of the Year. No, Bastard of the Year! Uh, don't you tell me! Guy I Despise So Much, I'd Pay Someone To Kill Ya and Stuff Ya and Leave you by my Bed, So That When I Wake Up in the Morning, I Could Roll Over and Punch You in the Face... of the Year.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Look, if you get up there and start kissing Kelso's ass, all your fellow attendings will forever think of you as a brown-nosing toady. On the other hand, if you don't pucker up, Kelso will make your life a living hell. You're officially trapped.

  J.D. : I'll just say something nice about him that's actually true.

  Dr. Perry Cox : You go do that. And I'll go find God, quit drinking, get in touch with myself emotionally, and we'll meet right back here at half past impossible. Mm'kay?

• J.D. : Can you believe Elliot's working in a free clinic?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Who?

  J.D. : Dr. Reid?

  Dr. Perry Cox : I'm sorry, that's just not ringing a bell.

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : She and J.D. used to sleep together.

  Dr. Perry Cox : J.D.?

  J.D. : That's not even funny!

  Dr. Perry Cox : Priscilla, I honestly, on my mother's grave, thought your real name was Carol.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Mr. Morrison, I understand that one of our interns spent an hour in here telling you over and over that you are going to die. I would make him apologize personally, but I'm having him spend the rest of the day checking that countertop's heartbeat.

  Keith : [Standing and waving]  Sorry, Mr. Morrison!

  Dr. Perry Cox : KEITH! I think Mr. Countertop would really appreciate your undivided attention.

• J.D. : Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Bob Kelso is a...

  Dr. Bob Kelso : [Rises and takes the mic]  Thank you, Dr. Dorian!

  [the audience claps] 

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Thank you so much for this award. Delighted to see you all...

  Dr. Perry Cox : Did I say he wanted a long introduction? Because Kelso just, he just likes when people say his name. Hope you didn't obsess too much about that, Newbie.