Scrubs (TV Series)

My Female Trouble (2004)

Judy Reyes: Nurse Carla Espinosa

Quotes 

• Carla : Girls! I want an explanation.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Fine. Turk, tell her our code.

  Turk : If you haven't had sex in six months, you're not accountable for who you sleep with.

• Carla : What is the matter with you two? JD, you said you were going to break up with Neena.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I know! Believe me, the whole time we were having sex I was thinking about Turk. That came out wrong.

• Carla : JD, how could you do this to Turk? You two are so close that I occassionally have nightmares of running away together.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Where do we go?

  Turk : One time we went to Aspen.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Oh, I hope it was summer. I'm not that big a skier.

• Harvey Corman : Hey, there's no pie here. Oh my god! You two are going to kill me!

  Carla : Nobody's going to kill you.

  Turk : Hi, I'm Dr. Nobody.

• Turk : Baby, you know if my malpractice insurance goes through the roof, you're gonna have to take a step-down lifestyle wise.

  Carla : I live in a tiny apartment with my husband, his best friend, and their dead stuffed dog. What's the step down?

• Neena Broderick : Morning. I'll see you at the deposition. I'll try not to spank your lawyer as hard as I spanked him last night.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Bye! FYI, there was no spanking last night, okay?

  Carla : Really? Then this won't hurt then.

  [spanks J.D] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Nope.

  Turk : Hit him again, baby.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Why?

• Carla : And you reminded him that people are basically good.

  Dr. Perry Cox : People suck. They suck. And make no mistake about it, even sweet little old ladies are looking to bend you over a chair in court. Come on.

  Dr. Perry Cox : We covered people.

  Carla : And I know you wouldn't never do anything to ruin his innocence.

  Dr. Perry Cox : You see, there's a compartment in the hat. So the stinkin' rabbit is actually in there the whole time, right?

• Carla : Look, Turk. I know you feel like you did right by him, but you have to acknowledge that Mr. Corman here feels like you let him down.

  Harvey Corman : You know what? I don't feel that way. I know you did the best job you could. But there's something you should know about me. People hate me. But in tennis, they're forced to interact. So for three hours, two Sundays a month, I have friends. You know what I mean?

  Carla : So what you're saying is that even though you think my husband did a great job, you've decided to crush his spirit by putting a permanent black mark on his medical record over a tennis game?

  Harvey Corman : I fear I've said too much.

• Carla : Christopher Duncan Turk, you tell him how you really feel just like you told me last night or I will do it for you.

  [imitates Turk] 

  Carla : Baby! Why does he hurt me so bad?

• Carla : Here's what's going to happen. You're going to drop this lawsuit because it's wrong and you know it. But also because if you don't, I'm going to pound the plaid right off of that shirt and make it so that the only way you'll be able to eat pie is through a straw!

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Jordan's making me stretch out her new jeans.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Cry me a river. Guess what Gandhi's wife is making me do because if supposedly "broke his spirit".

  Harvey Corman : Ever since the operation, I've been serving lefty so it could be a little unpredictable.