Scrubs (TV Series)

My Faith in Humanity (2005)

Judy Reyes: Nurse Carla Espinosa

Quotes 

• Nurse Carla Espinosa : [about Dr. Perry Cox, in his presence]  Elliot, do you see the problem with trying to appeal to its human side?

  Dr. Elliot Reid : He doesn't have one.

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Exactly! But what does he have?

  Dr. Elliot Reid : A shaved chest, a closetful of tiny tee shirts, and the eyes of a madman.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Ohh! I'm sorry! The correct answer she was looking for is a giant ego! I have a giant ego!

• Dr. Elliot Reid : Hey, Jake... so, you're probably rushing home to wipe the old person smell off before your trip, uh?

  Jake : Excuse me?

  Dr. Elliot Reid : [scoffs]  No, I'm just kidding, I love old people. Still, there's no denying they have a distinctive smell. I mean, it's nothing bad. It's like a... general mustiness... like... you know when... you get your cast... taken off and... skin mold...

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Oh...

  Jake : Well, I have a flight to catch... you guys need me to sign anything?

  Dr. Perry Cox : No.

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : No, you're good.

  Jake : OK, then.

  [walks away] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Hats off there, Barbie... that was one potent combination of verbal diarrhea and stunned silence...

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : You should have just asked him out. Men love that.

  Dr. Perry Cox : No, Carla, men don't love that. It turns out we don't love picnics, foreplay, candles, baths, photo albums, or when you drive so we can relax; and, as always, we're not that big on Hugh Jackman. Look there... the only thing men care about as far as dating is concerned is the chase; if you want that guy to look your way, listen me carefully... ignore the living hell out of him.

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : That's the worst advice I've ever heard!

  Dr. Perry Cox : Good point, Carla. Say, you don't happen to have any other gems before you run off to couples therapy to sift through the wreckage that is the first year of your marriage, do ya?

  Dr. Elliot Reid : Look, Dr Cox, I'm sure that you are fantastic at picking up men, really...

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Ah ah!

  Dr. Elliot Reid : ...but I can handle this one on my own. Thank you.

• Elliot : Dr. Cox, this is the most painful thing I've ever done and I was a cutter for a week in high school. My shop teacher thought scars were sexy, but that's a whole other story. The point is, your advice really worked with Jake and I'd really appreciate it if you would give me some more help.

  Dr. Cox : Oh, no problem Barbie, let me just finish writing this prescription and you'll be all squared away.

  [hands Elliot the prescription] 

  Elliot : This is a prescription for 'no'.

  Dr. Cox : Correctomundo. To be taken with food every Saturday night while you're eating alone.

  Elliot : I don't think you understand the severity of the situation here. I am dangerously close to giving up men all together!

  Dr. Cox : Then on behalf of men everywhere-and I do mean everywhere

  [makes a circle with his hands] 

  Dr. Cox : -including the ones in the little mud huts, let me be the first to say thanks and yalleluah!

  Carla : Elliot, do you see the problem with trying to appeal to it's human side?

  Elliot : He doesn't have one.

  Carla : Exactly. But what does he have?

  Elliot : [grudgingly]  A shaped chest, a closet full of tiny t-shirts, and the eyes of a madman.

  Dr. Cox : Ohhhhhh! I'm sorry, the correct answer she was looking for is a giant ego.

  [nodding] 

  Dr. Cox : I have a giant ego!

  Elliot : Dammit! I knew that.

  Carla : Can you just appeal to it so I can go get something to eat?

  Elliot : You're... amazing.

  Dr. Cox : And I'm in!

  Elliot : [makes a happy noise]