Scrubs (TV Series)

My Common Enemy (2004)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Dr. Perry Cox : Boy oh boy! Looks like you pissed off the wrong guy there, crunchy. Trust me. He'll make you pay.

  Dr. Molly Clock : Oh, Dr. Kelso's all bust. I bet underneath it all he's a sweetheart.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oh no, underneath it all he is pure evil.

  Dr. Molly Clock : Perry, no one's pure evil, I mean yeah some people have a hard outer shell, but inside everybody has a creamy center.

  Dr. Perry Cox : There are, plenty of people here, on this particular planet who are hard on the outside and hard on the inside!

  Dr. Molly Clock : So they have more of a nougaty center?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Lady. People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.

  Dr. Molly Clock : I'm touching your creamy center!

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oh I am so very angry that I'm going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Thanks to your little gesture, she actually believes that the earth is full of people who, deep down, are filled with kindness and caring!

  Dr. Kelso : Well that's absurd. People are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Exactly!

• Dr. Kelso : Dr Clock, may I have a word?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Uh-oh... it's payback time...

  Dr. Kelso : I got you a present for your trip to Mexico: it's my old Spanish-to-English dictionary. I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language.

  Dr. Molly Clock : Gracias, señor!

  Dr. Kelso : You're welcom-o!

• Dr. Christopher Turk : You know, on The Sopranos, if a guy caught his brother with his girlfriend, he'd just rub his ass out.

  J.D. : Oh, believe you me, the second I get Dan alone, there's gonna be some serious ass rubbing... I shouldn't smack talk.

  Dan Dorian : [arriving]  Hey, mind if I join you guys?

  Dr. Perry Cox : [arriving too]  The question you should be asking is "Mind if I diddle your ex?". Oh... and just a great big congratulations on your ongoing streak of being the world's worst older brother.

  [leaves] 

  Dan Dorian : [stands, then smiles]  Thanks, Coxy.

  J.D. : [narrating]  I knew it was my turn to let Dan have it, but for some reason I wasn't mad.

  [out loud] 

  J.D. : Listen, Dan...

  Dan Dorian : J.D., let me explain. I came to the hospital to see you... and I ran into Elliot and it just happened. It was an one-time thing.

  J.D. : I'm OK with it.

  Dan Dorian : Great, because it's going on for a few weeks! Elliot's amazing: smart, funny... hhhot! I was in a dark place and she saved me, she really did. I haven't feel this good since my dad died.

  J.D. : Our dad.

  Dan Dorian : Right.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Hold on. When Carla and I came home yesterday, we heard something; did you two hook up in J.D.'s room?

  Dan Dorian : A friend wouldn't ask, a gentleman wouldn't tell.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Did you?

  Dan Dorian : Twice. We didn't go under the sheets, out of respect.

  J.D. : [sarcastically]  How thoughtful!

• Dan Dorian : [Dan approaches J.D. and Turk in the cafeteria]  Hey, mind if I join you guys?

  Dr. Perry Cox : I think the question you should be asking is, "Mind if I diddle your ex?" Oh, and just a great big congratulations on your on-going streak of being the world's worst older brother!

  Dan Dorian : Thanks, Coxy!

• Dr. Kelso : Dr. Clock, you don't have to miss your wedding. I was lying about shift-switching. I like doing it, I like saying it -- shift-switching. And I only lied because we were trying to destroy your morale.

  Dr. Molly Clock : Why would you do that?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Well, in our defense, you're overly cheery and we were bored.