Scrubs (TV Series)

My Changing Ways (2005)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Jordan Sullivan : [entering the hospital with Cox]  Have a great day, honey!

  Dr. Perry Cox : [kissing her]  You have even a better one, you! You do it! Yeah, yeah! You have even a better one...

  [starts banging his own head against the counter] 

  Dr. Kelso : Perry, I get the feeling something is bothering you...

  Dr. Perry Cox : Bob, people have a private life and people have a professional life, and usually those two hells are kept pretty separate; for instance I don't know that much about your home life, other than the fact that you treat your wife like a dog, your dog like a wife and your son like an androgynous ne'er-do-well who drains your retirement to open up a shop in Minneapolis.

  Dr. Kelso : Harrison posted his first profit this quarter.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Aces. And I'm guessing that's because his significant other...

  Dr. Kelso : Terrence.

  Dr. Perry Cox : ...Terrence doesn't follow him around the shop all day telling him just exactly what color is in this season, or showing all of the other employees that he is not in fact the boss of his own life. You see, the woman in everywhere! She's there when I work out in the morning, when I work out in the car on the way to work, and when I work out when I get to work. I can't seem to get away from her, and that used to be fine when she came around for five minutes every month or so to feed on my dignity; but now I'd honestly kill myself, Bob, if I wasn't convinced that Jordan wouldn't already be there waiting for me in the afterlife. You see, typical of her, she went ahead and signed us up for an eternal tandem bike ride all along the banks of the River Styx.

  Dr. Kelso : I'm so glad you shared...

• Dr. Perry Cox : Whoa! Bob Kelso here before noon? They're either giving away free doughnuts at the café, or there's an Asian prostitute convention in the I.C.U.!

  Dr. Kelso : Is now the time I'm supposed to be embarrassed because I like fine food and Korean call girls? Write this down, Perry: I'm old and I honestly don't care what people think about anything I do.

  [There's the sharp sound of broken wind. The people in the waiting area grimace and groan in disgust] 

  Dr. Kelso : [Unashamed]  That was me, folks.

• Dr. Perry Cox : All right, then, before we jump in to rounds, I see it's time for my annual cologne intervention. Lonnie, you're killing us. And, honestly, what's the point? D'you understand that no matter how badly you wanna get freaky with Karen, here, that's just not going to happen, and here's why: She thinks you have the body of a fetus. Oh, Karen, did you tell me that in confidence?

  Karen : No, he knows.

  Lonnie : She drew me a picture.

  Jordan Sullivan : Don't sweat it too much, kid. He wore so much cologne on our first date, I had to sell my Miata!

  Dr. Perry Cox : WHY?

  Jordan Sullivan : For funsies!

• J.D. : [thinking]  Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it...

  Elliot : [when JD walks by Elliot and Carla]  Carla, I can sense you're upset, talk to me!

  J.D. : [looks confused, the continues walking and thinks]  OK, but Turk is a prideful guy and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive

  Dr. Cox : [when JD walks by Dr. Cox and Jordan]  Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive...

  J.D. : [looking back to the hallway, thinking]  Touché, magic hallway!

• Jordan Sullivan : Look, I don't wanna be one of those moms that never sees her kids. But I also don't wanna be one of those moms that stays at home but then resents her kids 'cause she wishes she was working so she could go to an office and feel bad about not being at home with her kids. I was just worried that you would think I was a bad mom.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Sweetie, you are an evil, soulless, chemically-enhanced battle-axe that I truly doubt is a hundred percent human, but... you are an amazing mom.