- Lisa: I cannot run track today. You know, I have so much food inside of me, you could put a quarter in my mouth and a bag of Doritos would come poppin' out?
- Kelly: Lisa, you have got to stop doing this to yourself.
- Lisa: That's easy for you to say, nothing bothers you.
- Kelly: Oh yeah? Lots of things bother me. I just don't let them drive me bananas.
- Lisa: You have one?
- Kelly: Lisa, come on. If you keep obsessing about your grades, you know what you're gonna end up like?
- Jessie: [Jessie rushes in] You know, you guys, I just remembered there was one time that I did not get an "A"? I was in the fourth grade. Mr. Simmons had a nervous breakdown and gave the entire class "L"s and "Q"s.
- Mr. Testaverde: The person who phoned me called me, "Mr. Testaverde."
- Mr. Richard Belding: And the person who phoned me called me, "Mr. Belding." But what kind of devious creature would make two fake phone calls?
- [the phone rings. Mr. Testaverde and Mr. Belding approach Zack. Mr. Testaverde uses the toilet plunger to pick up Zack's head and Mr. Belding picks up the phone]
- Mr. Richard Belding: . Zack can't come to the phone right now. He's on his way to pick up his season tickets to detention. If you'd like to leave a message, please wait for the beep.
- Zack Morris: [after getting caught, humiliated] Beep.