Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Queen Latifah (2004)

Tina Fey: Weekend Update Anchor

Quotes 

• Tina Fey : In Chicago, a man who was having a heart attack's life was saved when his dog brought him a phone so he could call for help. We should point out however, that for every one of these heart warming animal stories, 100,000 people die while their dogs sit and look at them like morons.

• Tina Fey : When Martha Stewart reported to prison yesterday, she was subjected to an invasive strip search that included a squat and cough, during which she laid two perfect blue speckled eggs.

• Tina Fey : Jennifer Aniston and Helen Hunt have taped Public Service Announcemnts urging single women to vote. In a Weekend Update exclusive, we have obtained the scripts to the TV spots.

  Amy Poehler : [clears throat]  Hi, I'm Emmy Award winner Jennifer Aniston.

  Tina Fey : And I'm Academy Award winner Helen Hunt.

  Amy Poehler : And we're here to remind single women, on November 2nd, don't leave the voting booth as empty as your womb.

  Tina Fey : Because even though you're currently alone, their is one box you can stuff. The ballot box.

  Amy Poehler : So remember ladies, vote or die. Alone.