Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Al Sharpton/Pink (2003)

Tina Fey: Weekend Update Anchor

Quotes 

• Weekend Update Anchor : Shuan-Shuan, a female giant panda, was flown to Japan this week, in hopes that she will mate with Ling-Ling, the male panda at the Tokyo Zoo. Biologists are optimistic, because it's well-known that Shuan-Shuan is a slut. The mating of Ling-Ling and Shuan-Shuan was brokered by their friend, Pimp-Pimp.

• Tina Fey : Well, eh... because our host, Rev. Al Sharpton, is an active presidential candidate, a number of NBC affiliates around the country are refusing to air tonight's show, for fear that other candidates will demand equal time. Since our show isn't being seen in these cities, we can finally say whatever we want about... Des Moines, Iowa:

  Jimmy Fallon : Snoozeville, U.S.A.

  Tina Fey : Sacramento, California:

  Jimmy Fallon : More like, Suck-romento.

  Tina Fey : Portland, Maine:

  Jimmy Fallon : The fart capitol of the world.

  Tina Fey : Memphis and Nashville, Tennessee:

  Jimmy Fallon : Y'all come back, now, ya' queers!

  Tina Fey : Oklahoma:

  Jimmy Fallon : Never heard of it.

  Tina Fey : Boston:

  Jimmy Fallon : Well, they...

  Tina Fey , Jimmy Fallon : ...just hate black people.

  Tina Fey : And, finally, Rochester, Minnesota:

  Jimmy Fallon : Nerds!

  Tina Fey : You guys are...

  Tina Fey , Jimmy Fallon : [shouting]  Nerds!

  Don Pardo : [voice over]  You have been watching "Jimmy & Tina Yelling At Cities That Refuse To Show Saturday Night Live Tonight." This is Don Pardo saying: Suck it, Des Moines!