- Vicki: I was never a classic beauty. People always told me I was beautiful on the inside. But... then I had some X-rays done, and my insides are butt ugly, too.
- Jimmy Fallon: Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise trip to Iraq Thursday and said "if anybody thinks that I'm here to throw water on a fire, there wrong." So more bad news for the Iraqi prisoners on fire.
- Pat O'Brien: Now eh, how do people tell you three apart?
- Mary-Kate Olsen: Well, I'm the more funky one.
- Ashley Olsen: And I'm more of what you might call the straight laced one.
- Betty Faye Olsen: And I have asthma.
- Pat O'Brien: Wow, looks like you guys have a lot of chemistry together.
- Ashley Olsen: Yeah, we do. We're always finishing...
- Mary-Kate Olsen: Each others sentences.
- Betty Faye Olsen: And I'm always starting a second sentence!
- [laughs]
- Z105 DJ: [Announcer: Z-105] AND WE'RE BACK! Uh oh, we got a special guest in the house. Your old co-star from Full House, Dave Coulier, just walked in. Hey how's it going, Dave?
- [as Sanji]
- Z105 DJ: Hello, Mr. Coulier.
- [as Tyrone]
- Z105 DJ: Yo what up, D.C.?
- [as himself]
- Z105 DJ: Can you do me a favor, Dave? Can you talk like Bullwinkle for me? I love when you do that?
- [as Bullwinkle]
- Z105 DJ: Hey Mayr-Kate and Ashley, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.
- [as himself]
- Z105 DJ: Ah man, he's doing Bullwinkle. That's awesome, man.
- [as Bullwinkle]
- Z105 DJ: And one thing I remember about Mary-Kate and Ashley was that when they were on the set, they were always pooping their pants.
- Ashley Olsen: We were babies.
- Z105 DJ: [blows raspberry] Oh they're at it again! I've never seen this.
- Mary-Kate Olsen: Okay, we're gonna go.
- Z105 DJ: [Blows another raspberry] Oh you ARE going. You keep going. Oh my God, gross. We'll be right back.
- Z105 DJ: Hey guys, guys, guys! I gotta say something here. Somebody farted again. I think it was Ashley.
- Ashley Olsen: I didn't fart.
- Z105 DJ: Alright, there you have it, folks, Mary-Kate Olsen farted. She's shaking her head. Yes, she's proud of it.
- Mary-Kate Olsen: I did not fart.
- Z105 DJ: [blows raspberry] Oh my God. That's disgusting. It's like chemicals. I swear it smells like rotten hot dogs and hummus up in here. I just threw up in my mouth. 5:28 AM, we'll be right back.
- [the Olsen twins get up to leave]
- Z105 DJ: Hey where are you going? We just got here.
- Mary-Kate Olsen: You're a creep.
- Z105 DJ: AND WE'RE BACK! Folks, special guests with us here: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. How are we doing over there, Mary-Kate?
- Ashley Olsen: Actually, I'm Ashley.
- Z105 DJ: Whatever. Look, let's talk about this movie you guys did. That thing really bombed, didn't it? I'm serious, man, that thing was a stinker, man. That thing stank worse than Andrea's underpants. Man in the box! New York Minute- terrible film. Don't go see it.
- [Blows raspberry]
- Z105 DJ: Oh my God, Mary-Kate just farted. 5:22 AM, we'll be right back.
- Z105 DJ: So I'm hanging out, and I am just hammered. I wake up in the morning, hung over out of my mind. As soon as I get out of bed, I step into a big pile of dog crap. Keep in mind, I got bare feet on, so folks, I'm cleaning this thing off and I'm noticing corn, I let my dog eat corn you know, chewing gum, looks like he ate a pack of rubber bands. I mean I am ready to scream at this animal, there's dookie everywhere and then I remember, I don't have a dog.