Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen/J-Kwon (2004)

Jimmy Fallon: Various, Weekend Update Anchor, Joey Mack, Pat O'Brien, Kip Bloater

Quotes 

• Jimmy Fallon : Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise trip to Iraq Thursday and said "if anybody thinks that I'm here to throw water on a fire, there wrong." So more bad news for the Iraqi prisoners on fire.

• Pat O'Brien : Now eh, how do people tell you three apart?

  Mary-Kate Olsen : Well, I'm the more funky one.

  Ashley Olsen : And I'm more of what you might call the straight laced one.

  Betty Faye Olsen : And I have asthma.

• Pat O'Brien : Wow, looks like you guys have a lot of chemistry together.

  Ashley Olsen : Yeah, we do. We're always finishing...

  Mary-Kate Olsen : Each others sentences.

  Betty Faye Olsen : And I'm always starting a second sentence!

  [laughs] 

• Z105 DJ : [Announcer: Z-105]  AND WE'RE BACK! Uh oh, we got a special guest in the house. Your old co-star from Full House, Dave Coulier, just walked in. Hey how's it going, Dave?

  [as Sanji] 

  Z105 DJ : Hello, Mr. Coulier.

  [as Tyrone] 

  Z105 DJ : Yo what up, D.C.?

  [as himself] 

  Z105 DJ : Can you do me a favor, Dave? Can you talk like Bullwinkle for me? I love when you do that?

  [as Bullwinkle] 

  Z105 DJ : Hey Mayr-Kate and Ashley, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.

  [as himself] 

  Z105 DJ : Ah man, he's doing Bullwinkle. That's awesome, man.

  [as Bullwinkle] 

  Z105 DJ : And one thing I remember about Mary-Kate and Ashley was that when they were on the set, they were always pooping their pants.

  Ashley Olsen : We were babies.

  Z105 DJ : [blows raspberry]  Oh they're at it again! I've never seen this.

  Mary-Kate Olsen : Okay, we're gonna go.

  Z105 DJ : [Blows another raspberry]  Oh you ARE going. You keep going. Oh my God, gross. We'll be right back.

• Z105 DJ : Hey guys, guys, guys! I gotta say something here. Somebody farted again. I think it was Ashley.

  Ashley Olsen : I didn't fart.

  Z105 DJ : Alright, there you have it, folks, Mary-Kate Olsen farted. She's shaking her head. Yes, she's proud of it.

  Mary-Kate Olsen : I did not fart.

  Z105 DJ : [blows raspberry]  Oh my God. That's disgusting. It's like chemicals. I swear it smells like rotten hot dogs and hummus up in here. I just threw up in my mouth. 5:28 AM, we'll be right back.

  [the Olsen twins get up to leave] 

  Z105 DJ : Hey where are you going? We just got here.

  Mary-Kate Olsen : You're a creep.

• Z105 DJ : AND WE'RE BACK! Folks, special guests with us here: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. How are we doing over there, Mary-Kate?

  Ashley Olsen : Actually, I'm Ashley.

  Z105 DJ : Whatever. Look, let's talk about this movie you guys did. That thing really bombed, didn't it? I'm serious, man, that thing was a stinker, man. That thing stank worse than Andrea's underpants. Man in the box! New York Minute- terrible film. Don't go see it.

  [Blows raspberry] 

  Z105 DJ : Oh my God, Mary-Kate just farted. 5:22 AM, we'll be right back.

• Z105 DJ : So I'm hanging out, and I am just hammered. I wake up in the morning, hung over out of my mind. As soon as I get out of bed, I step into a big pile of dog crap. Keep in mind, I got bare feet on, so folks, I'm cleaning this thing off and I'm noticing corn, I let my dog eat corn you know, chewing gum, looks like he ate a pack of rubber bands. I mean I am ready to scream at this animal, there's dookie everywhere and then I remember, I don't have a dog.