- Colin Quinn: Sources in the White House say that First Daughter Chelsea Clinton is prepaired to take over the duties of First Lady while her mother conducts her New York State senate campaign.
- [audience members groan]
- Colin Quinn: Insiders say Chelsea's main responsibility will be to periodically burst into the Oval Office and scream: I'm telling mom.
- [audience laughs]
- Colin Quinn: Don't know where you people thought I was going with that.
- Al Franken: Joe, the audience loves it when I say 'Me, Al Franken' and they put my name on. It, it it's called a running joke.
- Joe Franken: [angry] No-one remembers! No-one cares! They just wanna see Jimmy Fallon. Not some sad old guy with a tired bit!
- Margaret Jo McCullin: Anyway, now that provisions are gone, We've had to improvise and Willie's been a real miracle worker.
- Willie Bouchet: Well thank you, Margaret Jo.
- Margaret Jo McCullin: You're welcome.
- Willie Bouchet: It's amazing what desperation can make you do.
- [sighs deeply]
- Terry Rialto: Yeah, like the night that I spent with those bikers in exchange for that packet of ketchup.
- Margaret Jo McCullin: [interrupting quickly] Willie, I understand you have a special treat for us today. I hope you're gonna read to us from your book.
- Willie Bouchet: Well, I'd like to, but if you recall, we ate all the pages last week.