- El Nino: I am El Nino! All other tropical storms must bow before El Nino! Yo soy El Nino! For those of you who don't habla Espanol, El Nino is Spanish for... The Nino! And any of you hurricanes who are listening, step on up because nobody can take El Nino! I challenge any of you punk-ass tropical storms to a no-holds barred cage match! Any time, any coast! I swear to God Almighty, it is time to pay the piper, because El Nino's coming for you! And it ain't gonna be pretty!
- Mike Ditka: Todd, listen. Now don't cry, I'm gonna reach right through this phone I'm gonna pull that wussy part right outta ya!
- Weekend Update Anchor: Well, according to fire department officials in Wisconsin, many of the state's communities can't find enough people to be volunteer firefighters. As a possible explanation, officials cite the extreme danger of the job combined with the complete absence of pay.
- Sally Jessy Raphael: When we come back we'll meet a giant baby who is pregnant with a baby, who is also pregnant.