- Weekend Update Anchor: As part of an ungoing investigation, Los Angeles police again raided Michael Jackson's home. The search turned up a chimp, a robot, an oxygen tent and the bones of the Elephant Man, but nothing unusual.
- Frank Sinatra: [in the middle of recording "The Lady is a Tramp" with Liza Minelli] Okay, cut it, print it and ship it, I'm buying that one!
- Liza Minelli: But, Frank...
- [giggles]
- Liza Minelli: ... Frank, that's not even the whole song!
- Frank Sinatra: Your money's on the dresser, baby, I'm done with you!