Saturday Night Live (TV Series)
Christopher Reeve/Santana (1985)
Rich Hall: Various
Quotes
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[Escape the Germans skit. Characters are Americans pinned down in a French church during World War II. They keep trying crazy ways to get by the Germans, without any success]
Sarge : Perkins! Up front, Perkins!
[grabs a nun's habit]
Sarge : . I think you can pass as a penguin.
Perkins : Hey, Sarge. I don't wanna go out there.
Sarge : [with suspicion] Why not?
Perkins : 'Cause they're gonna see I'm not a penguin, Sarge. And then they're gonna shoot me.
Sarge : How do you know that, Perkins?
Perkins : Well, I... I figured it out.
Sarge : Yeah?
[pulling out service pistol]
Sarge : Seems to me you know an awful lot about the Germans. A lot more than a kid who *claims* to be from Indiana should!
[cocks pistol and scruffs Perkins's uniform]
Perkins : Hey, wait a minute...
Sarge : Campbell! Get up here! I think we got a Kraut on our hands. Test him!
Campbell : What's Babe Ruth's real name?
Perkins : Oh! George Herman Ruth.
Sarge : [sarcastically] That's a good one, Campbell. Why don't you just ask him the one question every German soldier is drilled on? Get away from me!
[shoves Campbell away]
Sarge : All right, Perkins, answer me this one: Who played Rhett Butler in "Gone With The Wind"?
Perkins : Rhett Butler?
Sarge : Yes!
Perkins : Oh, yeah, that was, uh... . Uh...
Sarge : C'mon...
Perkins : Yeah yeah yeah. It was a household word... . Uh... . Well, let's see. Uhm... . Ashley Wilkes was played by Leslie Howard...
Sarge : Yeah...
Perkins : Melanie Wilkes, that was Olivia De Havilland...
Sarge : Yeah...
Perkins : Prissy the slave girl, that was Butterfly McQueen
Sarge : Yeah...
Perkins : Mammy was Hattie McDaniels...
Sarge : C'mon, c'mon! Rhett Butler, Perkins!
[continues to egg Perkins on]
Perkins : Oh, God, god, god! He was everybody's choice except the original director. That was George Vukor, but he got fired. I mean, you know, selfishly he wanted...
Sarge : Who played Rhett Butler, Perkins!
Perkins : Oh, god, I know. This is crazy. He's a big guy, he was opposite Claudette Colbert in "It Happened One Night",
Sarge : C'mon, quit stalling! I got three seconds!
Perkins : Big ears, big ears, little mustache, um... Clark Gable!
Sarge : Wrong!
[shoots Perkins dead]
Sarge : Cary Grant, you Nazi scum!
Saunders : No, no, it was Clark Gable.
Sarge : Damn! Not again! I always get those two guys confused.
[rushes to Perkins, who was being examined by Campbell]
Campbell : Forget it, forget it. He's dead.
[Sarge pushed Campbell back from Perkins]
Sarge : [poignantly] That's too bad. He knew so much about film.