- Fred G. Sanford: [Looking at his present] It's a hat, ain't it?
- Lamont Sanford: No, it's a lampshade. Of course it's a hat.
- Fred G. Sanford: [as he calls the Social Security Administration, to Lamont] You may as well head on over to the diner for breakfast, because this kitchen's closed due to retirement.
- [after they tell him how much he's actually getting]
- Fred G. Sanford: Why so little? Uh-huh? Uh-huh.
- [Hangs up, stands up, and to Lamont]
- Fred G. Sanford: How do you like your eggs?
- Fred G. Sanford: This is a real Chinese restaurant, isn't it?
- Lamont Sanford: No, it's a pizza parlor. Of course it's a Chinese restaurant.
- Fred Sanford: What is fried Won Ton?
- Waiter: Chinese kreplach.
- Fred Sanford: Oh I ain't gonna eat that. That stuff'll kill you.
- Fred Sanford: This is a real Chinese restaurant, isn't it?
- Lamont Sanford: No, it's a pizza parlor. Of course it's a Chinese restaurant.
- Fred Sanford: I can't eat here. I can't eat that Chink food.