- Michael Nesmith: You know, Hollywood's making a movie about the war in Vietnam.
- Dan Rowan: Hm-hm.
- Michael Nesmith: Yeah, but it runs too long and it's way over budget and they can't seem to find a good ending for it.
- Dan Rowan: Sounds like they took the plot from the Pentagon.
- Michael Nesmith: Aha!
- Davy Jones: And now, direct from the garden of Eden: Dan Rowan and the apple of his eye, Eve Martin.
- Ruth Buzzi: Copa.
- Judy Carne: Cabana.
- Announcer: Backwards, sounds like:
- Goldie Hawn: Cah, eh, cackaban menaca.
- Announcer: That's easy for you to say.
- Goldie Hawn: No, not really.
- Dan Rowan: Without further ado, let's go to the party.
- Dick Martin: Well, why don't you go on ahead, I'm going to wait for Further Ado.
- Ruth Buzzi: A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, and I told him I had no use for a vacuum cleaner. So he sold me a dirty rug.
- Micky Dolenz: We spent 35 million dollars on the space program. Now some people say we should've given it to the poor.
- Davy Jones: Oh, now what do the poor know about running a space program?
- Jeremy Lloyd: Fuzzy.
- Alan Seus: Wuzzy.
- Announcer: Backwards, it sounds like:
- Alan Seus: Wuzzy.
- Jeremy Lloyd: Fuzzy.
- Gladys Ormphby: I'd be tickled to death to find out.
- Dick Martin: Washington D.C. A highly placed official of the State Department declared today, that if the United States continues to sign alliances and peace treaties, at the present rate, should world war three break out, we would find ourselves fighting on both sides.
- Alan Sues: I went out with this girl last night. I'm not saying she was frigid, but every time she opened her mouth, a light went on.
- Pamela Rodgers: Knock
- Jeremy Lloyd: Wurst.
- Announcer: Backwards, sounds like:
- Jeremy Lloyd: Wurst.
- Pamela Rodgers: Knock.
- Jeremy Lloyd: Judy, Judy?
- Judy Carne: Here I am.
- Jeremy Lloyd: What did the chiropractor say to the girl with the bad knee?
- Judy Carne: What did the chiropractor say to the girl with the bad knee?
- Jeremy Lloyd: The chiropractor said to the girl with the bad knee: what's a rotten joint like this doing in a nice girl like you?
- Dan Rowan: What's a rotten joke like that doing in a nice joke-wall like this?
- Dan Rowan: Say, Goldie, what do you think about the population explosion?
- Goldie Hawn: Well, it's okay with me, Dan, as long as they don't wake up the babies.
- Ruth Buzzi: I bought a book on how to resist salesmen. The guy sold it to me for forty-five dollars.
- Davy Jones: [off screen] Oh, my leg. I broke my leg.
- Goldie Hawn: Well, thank goodness we didn't order dance lessons.