Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Confidence and Paranoia (1988)

Chris Barrie: Rimmer

Quotes 

• Rimmer : Holly, put a trace on Paranoia.

  Holly : What's a trace?

  Rimmer : It's space jargon. It means find him.

  Holly : No, it doesn't. You just made it up to be cool.

• Rimmer : Love is a device invented by bank managers to make us overdrawn.

• Rimmer : [to Lister]  You're awake.

  The Cat : Yeah, but I'll be asleep in a minute.

  Rimmer : [to Lister]  How do you feel?

  The Cat : Fine. Just don't ask me any more questions. I'm trying to sleep!

  Rimmer : Shut up you stupid moggy and out of that bed!

  The Cat : [Getting out of bed]  Well, if you're going to speak to me like that, I'm gonna take my presents back!

  [the Cat grabs the bag from Lister and heads for the door] 

  Rimmer : [to Lister]  How do you feel?

  The Cat : [walking out of the room]  Hurt!

• Rimmer : [in front of the mirror]  "Necrobics", hologrammatic exercises for the dead.

• Lister : Love is what makes us different from animals.

  Rimmer : No, Lister, what makes us different from animals is that we don't use our tongues to clean our own genitals.

• Rimmer : [On Confidence and Paranoia]  These two are symptoms of your disease. They're like the spots in measles, the swellings in mumps, the funny walk in cystitis.

• Rimmer : [on Lister and Confidence]  I don't believe it, he's socializing with a figment of his imagination.

  Paranoia : Yes.

• Paranoia : [seated]  Do you know he used to practice kissing on his own?

  Rimmer : How?

  Paranoia : [demonstrating]  He made lips out of one hand and waggled his thumb through the gap, like a tongue.

  Rimmer : That is priceless! It really is.

  Paranoia : Seventeen years old and he used to snog his own hand.

  [a scutter rolls in a door behind Paranoia, holding a syringe] 

  Paranoia : [now standing, uncomfortably close to Rimmer]  Once, in front of the whole school, he called his gym teacher "Daddy". I could've *died* with embarrassment.

  Rimmer : [motioning to the scutter]  Oh, what a silly thing to call a gym master.

  Paranoia : I'm *racked* with guilt. I *hate* him.

  Rimmer : Well, if you hate him, why do you talk about him so much?

  Paranoia : Because he makes my life one big, humiliating, cringe-making, guilt-ridden *hell*!

  Rimmer : [shouting to the scutter]  Now! Stab him! Stab him! Stab him! Quick! Stab him!

  [Paranoia turns to look at the scutter... which has hardly moved] 

  Rimmer : Uh, you haven't met Stabem, have you? He's one of our scutters. Stabem, meet Lister's paranoia; Lister's paranoia, this is Stabem.

  [the scutter drops the syringe and tries to shake hands with Paranoia] 

• [repeated lines] 

  [in a film being watched by Lister] 

  Carol : Oh! You must know - I'm dying!

  Jim : I know, Carol. Dr. Graham told me everything.

  [an interruption occurs] 

• Rimmer : Where's Paranoia?

  Confidence : I dunno, is it somewhere near Uruguay?

• Confidence : Davey, baby - what can I say? Is he the greatest most handsome fantastic person ever, or am I insane?

  Rimmer : You're insane.

• Rimmer : Quick! Lister's fainted! He needs help! Quick!

• Lister : Why didn't I ask her out? What's the worst she could've said?

  Rimmer : She could've said, "No, you're a filthy, stinking, loathsome, disgusting object I wouldn't be seen dead with in a plague pit."