Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Back to Reality (1992)

Craig Charles: Lister

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rimmer : I know that, emotionally speaking, this isn't the news you want to hear right now. But there's a blob on the sonar scope the size of New Mexico and it's heading your way.

  Holly : I think our friend the Suicide Squid is about to put in an appearance.

  Kryten : Where is it, precisely?

  Rimmer : Directly above you. 2,000 fathoms and diving.

  Lister : Oh, thanks a lot, Rimmer. You know the state we're in and you have to go and give us news like that. You couldn't have *lied*?

  Rimmer : I *was* lying. It's only 1,000 fathoms.

• [a giant squid is approaching Starbug] 

  Lister : It's got three alternatives - it thinks we're either a threat, food or mate. It's either gonna kill us, eat us or hump us. Either we try to persuade it that we're not *that* kind of oceanic salvage vessel, or we scarper pronto.

  The Cat : And be diddled by a squid on a first date? Think of how I would be in the morning!

• Lister : I'm not Lister then? I'm not me, am I?

  Kryten : None of us are who we thought we were, sir. This is going to take some getting used to.

  Rimmer : I'm not Rimmer, then?

  Kryten : No.

  Rimmer : I'm not a hologram. I'm not Rimmer.

  The Cat : Well, if we're not who we thought we were, who the hell are we?

  Lister : Some kind of sad acts who want to spend four years playing a computer game. Either running away from God knows what, or had nothing worth living for in the first place.

• Lister : Why would a haddock kill itself?... Why am I even asking that question?

  The Cat : Hold it - hang five guys, I'm gettin' somethin'. Now, he committed suicide, he committed suicide, he committed suicide and the fish committed suicide - there's some kind of link here that I can't quite put my finger on...

• [Lister-Sebastian and Kryten-Jake see two propaganda posters] 

  Sebastian Doyle : [reading]  "Vote Fascist for a Third Glorious Decade of Total Law Enforcement"?

  Jake Bullet : [reading]  "Be a Government Informer. Betray Your Family & Friends. Fabulous Prizes to be Won"?

• Cop : [to Sebastian-Lister]  Come out of the shadows, Voter.

  Sebastian Doyle : What's the beef? Did she steal your lunch box?

  Cop : M... mm... many apologies, Voter Colonel.

  Sebastian Doyle : You know me?

  Cop : Of course, Voter Colonel.

  Sebastian Doyle : Who am I?

  Cop : You are Colonel Sebastian Doyle, Section Chief of CGI, Head of the Ministry of Alteration.

  Sebastian Doyle : Remind me a little: what do we do at the Ministry of Alteration?

  Cop : You... change people, Sir.

  Sebastian Doyle : In what way?

  Cop : You change them from being alive people, to being dead people. To purify Democracy.

  Billy Doyle : Purify?

  Cop : [proudly]  No one has done more to purge the ballot boxes than the Voter Colonel.

  Duane Dibbley : So why has he been away for 4 years then?

  Cop : Excuse me, Voter Colonel, but is this some sort of test?

  Sebastian Doyle : Answer him.

  Cop : The rumour was that you had grown weary of your glorious duties and had gone away in secret to renew yourself.