- [Sam is Gilbert, owner of a brothel that also hosts the somewhat misplaced prostitute Gina]
- Dr. Sam Beckett: I've got a funny feeling about her, Al. I think she's as lost here as I am.
- Admiral Al Calavicci: Of all the partners in the whole wide world that I should have to pick, and what do I end up with? The prudent prince.
- Admiral Al Calavicci: I'd stick around too, but I hate to see a grown man cry, especially when it's me.
- Admiral Al Calavicci: This house has been in operation f-, since the Civil War. Your great grandf-, or, or, or Gilbert's great grandfather, started this place.
- Dr. Sam Beckett: But why a quilting academy? What is that?
- Admiral Al Calavicci: Well, in those days, it was common for a bordello to hide behind the cover of a legitimate business. But believe me, Sam, the only thing being sewn out there are wild oats.
- [the veteran prostitute is threatening a trouble-making sailor with a shotgun]
- Sailor: Now, lady, you'd better be careful with that thing, 'cause you know it might accidentally go off.
- Prostitute #1: Well, if it goes off, it won't be no accident. Now then, if I was you, I'd sail that battleship of yours outta here, before I turn it into a dinghy!
- Dr. Sam Beckett: Thanks.
- Prostitute #1: Don't thank me. I probably would've killed all o' ye. And if my gumbo is ruined, I just might come back and finish the job.
- Prostitute #1: Stir my gumbo!
- Dr. Sam Beckett: Uh, uh, yes, ma'am.
- Prostitute #1: Now, don't you be sassing me!