Porridge (TV Series)
The Hustler (1974)
Ken Jones: Ives
Quotes
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Ives : Come on, girl, force it out! Effort! Get going! Come on my beauty! Come on, darling, effort! You can do it, squeeze it out, my son. Come on, son
Norman Stanley Fletcher : "Son"? It's a girl, you nurk!
Ives : What are you talking about? How do you know it's a girl?
Norman Stanley Fletcher : All hens are, Ives. Yer male's yer cock.
Ives : Oh. There's a lot more females than males, then.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : That's why yer cock always looks so smug. He's got plenty of it about. Hence the term "cocksure".
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[Ives and Fletcher are in with the chicken coup]
Ives : Here, mine looks inniment.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : Inniment? What?
Ives : Nah, go on, she's dropped off. Want to double the bet?
Norman Stanley Fletcher : All right.
Ives : Done.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : You certainly have been.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : [Fletcher finds an egg by slight of hand] Look at that - jackpot.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : See? Thanks, my darling. And thank YOU, Ives.
Ives : Listen, double or quits. Which hand are they in? Go on, fair's fair.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : All right.
[Fletcher points to Ives left clenched hand]
Norman Stanley Fletcher : That one.
Ives : We're even.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : [Fletch clasps Ive's right hand] Oh, THAT'S the one.
Ives : Now that's not funny. Not funny at all.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : Can't take a yolk, some people.
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Ives : Venables has cracked down like a ton of bricks ever since the Earwig Derby.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : Earwig Derby?
Ives : Yeah, the Earwig Derby.
Evans : Earwig derby, yeah tragic, that.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : What's the Earwig Derby, when was that then?
Ives : Last earwig season.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : Oh, was it, well, then.
Ives : Organised by Grouty of course, very much on the lines of the Jockey Club. Handicaps, eliminators, and then in September the finale... the Derby. Eight yards across the laundry. The whole prison was on. Until of course Mackay finds out. Ah, we never knew.
Norman Stanley Fletcher : What did he do?
Ives : He put his foot down. Yeah, right on top of them! Splat!
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Ives : Here, where did you get the dice?
Norman Stanley Fletcher : Lukewarm made them out of pastry in the kitchen. He baked them.
Ives : Won't they break?
Norman Stanley Fletcher : No, not his pastry.