- Fletch: [working in the library] I've still got a long and complicated itinerary to complete, sir.
- Barrowclough: You're taking your time because you know that when you finish you've got to paint it, which is what you were put here for in the first place!
- Fletch: [grinning innocently] Still waiting for the paint, sir.
- Barrowclough: Where is it?
- Fletch: [looking falsely concerned] Stolen, sir!
- Barrowclough: [sitting down with his head in his hands] What's wrong with this prison?
- Fletch: There's a strong criminal element in here, sir.
- [Fletch has lost a tin of pineapple chunks]
- Fletch: I don't quite know how to put this, gentlemen, but there is a thief among us.