Police Squad! (TV Series)

Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) (1982)

Leslie Nielsen: Det. Frank Drebin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Det. Frank Drebin : And you know Ed, what all this goes to show is that the only real dope is the one who sells it or buys it.

  [freezeframe as Norberg hits a nail into a column, causing the entire set to collapse during the end credits] 

• Det. Frank Drebin : [as Tony Dewonderful]  Where do you live, lady?

  Lady in audience : Right here.

  Det. Frank Drebin : At the table? Where'd you put your car, in the coat room?

  [drum roll, audience laughs] 

• [Frank knocks out a holdup man] 

  Veronica : Say, that was nice work. You took a big chance doing that.

  Det. Frank Drebin : Well, you take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street, or sticking your face in a fan.

• Det. Frank Drebin : [narrating]  When I arrived at the morgue, my boss had already begun to investigate the physical evidence. As was our custom in such cases, we began to talk.

• Det. Frank Drebin : [telling dumb sister jokes as Tony Dewonderful]  She was also dumb, she came in one time with a hot tarr on her hand and she said: "look what I almost stepped in".

• Det. Frank Drebin : [as Tony DeWonderful mingling with the audience]  Where are you from, sir?

  Man #1 : Milwaukee.

  Det. Frank Drebin : Hey! Why that's my home town.

  [to a woman] 

  Det. Frank Drebin : Where are you from?

  Woman : Seattle.

  Det. Frank Drebin : Hey! Why that's my home town.

  [to another man] 

  Det. Frank Drebin : Where are you from?

  Man #2 : Chicago.

  Det. Frank Drebin : Hey! Why that's *your* home town.

• [Frank has gone undercover as a stand-up comic] 

  Det. Frank Drebin : So the girl had come back from her honeymoon. She was alone, and her parents welcomed her with open arms. They said to her, "Delilah - hat gut gemacht!"

  [Audience laughs] 

• Coroner : It's a typical four-fifteen.

  Det. Frank Drebin : Four-fifteen?

  Coroner : Yes, the body was found 415 feet from the car.

• Capt. Ed Hocken : Well Frank, this case is all wrapped up. Veronica Rivers confessed to killing Joey Koldys and we've got her and Vic and the Frenchman on the dope smuggling rap.

  Det. Frank Drebin : Yeah, from now on they'll all be up there together in the Statesville prison.

  Capt. Ed Hocken : Yep, along with Martin and Dutch and Lana, Thames and Sally Decker.

• Det. Frank Drebin : Cigarette?

  Lester the ventriloquist dummy : Yes, I know.

• Det. Frank Drebin : Hey what about me? I'm hot and ready to go.

  Vic : Looks like I got no choice. What's your name?

  Det. Frank Drebin : DeWonderful. Tony DeWonderful.