- Shelly Marie Tambo: [to Holling] Whether you shoot Jessie or he mauls you, I want to be there by your side.
- Dr. Joel Fleischman: [during birthing class]
- Dr. Joel Fleischman: Listen folks, I hate to cut this short, but we have to fly. So before we go, are there any questions, something you'd like to ask a doctor?
- Girl in birthing class: How will I know when it's time?
- Dr. Joel Fleischman: Trust me, all mothers show up.
- Dr. Joel Fleischman: There are four words you need to know to adequately prepare yourselves for child birth. Take notes here, ladies. *I* *want* *my* *epidural*.
- Maurice J. Minnifield: So, your people have always been good with money, Joel. What do you think I ought to do with my assets?
- Dr. Joel Fleischman: If *my people* were good with money I would be on Park Avenue shooting estrogen into rich widows, not here.
- [to Chris, during a game of croquet]
- Maurice J. Minnifield: Step up to the ball, whack it, and see if it doesn't make your blood feel a little bluer.
- Maurice J. Minnifield: We Minnefields are not quitters.
- Chris Stevens: Well guess what, the Stevenses are, right. We quit everything, in case you haven't heard: School, work, you name it. The oly thing we don't quit is drinking.
- Maurice J. Minnifield: Consider yourself grounded, young man.
- Chris Stevens: Stick it between your legs, Dad.
- [walks away]
- Maurice J. Minnifield: You know what the motto of the state of Alaska is, Joel?
- Dr. Joel Fleischman: If it ain't broken don't fix it?
- Maurice J. Minnifield: "North to the Future". That's my motto too.