- Mac Robinson: [as they open their gifts] Okay Dan, your turn.
- Dan Fielding: [gasps] My God! It's a Rolex.
- Mac Robinson: Read the inscription.
- Dan Fielding: "Dear Dan, whether you believe it or not, I think of you as... a friend."
- [to everyone's confusion, he dunks the watch into his water glass, covers it with his hand, shakes it briskly, then pulls it out and checks the action]
- Dan Fielding: [gasps again] It's real!
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: Well, Eddie... . you've done it! You have brought the entire American judicial system down to its knees! It's a towering achievement, Eddie, and you did it with nothing but your own incredible incompetence! You are the Mount Everest of... *stupidity*!
- [pause]
- Fast Eddie Creeger: ...Is that some kind of a crack?
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: Eddie...
- Fast Eddie Creeger: 'Cause I'll have you know, I'm with the union and I don't have to take cracks.
- [He leaves]
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: [hefting his gavel] How 'bout divots?
- Rosalind 'Roz' Russell: [as they open their gifts] What's this...? I get to see Mike Tyson at Madison Square Gardens?
- Quon Le Robinson: No, you get to *fight* Mike Tyson at Madison Square Gardens!
- Mac Robinson: We got him to give you a three round exhibition match.
- Rosalind 'Roz' Russell: Oh, this is the loveliest, sweetest, most thoughtful...
- [kisses Mac on the cheek]
- Rosalind 'Roz' Russell: I'll rip his freakin' head off!
- Mac Robinson: [claps Dan on the back] Fielding!
- Dan Fielding: [jumps] Your wife's lying, I don't even own a saddle!
- Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: Sir, the holding cells are all full and we have about 30 defendants out in the hallway.
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: You just left them out there unsupervised?
- Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: Yes Sir! They're on the Horror System.
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: [With a Confused Look] You mean the Honor System?
- Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: [With a Hugh Scary Grin] Nooo...
- Mac Robinson: [He cries] My great-grandchildren are going to be wearing this sweater.
- Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: Well you know the classics never really go out of style.
- Rosalind 'Roz' Russell: [after Bull tells the story about losing his yo-yo] What have I told you about listening to inamate objects?