- Narrator: Wellworth Watching, also known as Vicious Vinnie Vermin, was tried and convicted of a 417, breaking and entering a computer, an 812, using Emmett Kelly's makeup to misinform kids and a 714.33, contaminating data. He was sent away from society for a gosh-darn long time.
- Sgt. Kate Monday: Who do they think you are, George?
- Officer George Frankly: [Outraged] John Q. Public. That's who. And I've got some rights.
- [Normal voice]
- Officer George Frankly: Oh. Good morning, Kate. How was your weekend?
- Sgt. Kate Monday: Not as outrageous as yours. What's wrong with you? I've never seen you act this way before.
- Sgt. Kate Monday: Morning, George. Spill something on your tie?
- Officer George Frankly: Thanks, I already did. Morning, Kate.
- Wellworth Watching: Now, look at this chart.
- Officer George Frankly: What is that?
- Wellworth Watching: A chart.
- Wellworth Watching: There are 13 million people in the greater Los Angeles area.
- Officer George Frankly: And they all shop at my mall on Saturday.
- Officer George Frankly: Who was that masked man?
- Officer George Frankly: [repeats the Mike Pliers motto with the young girl] When you're surrounded by creeps and liars, grab your decoder and call Mike Pliers!
- Sgt. Kate Monday: George, I watched that other kids' show on TV last night, The Vicious Vinnie Show.
- Officer George Frankly: What did you think?
- Sgt. Kate Monday: Pretty bad.
- Officer George Frankly: Bad? When it's good, it's bad, it's never good. It's disgusting.
- Sgt. Kate Monday: We'd been working on a case that involved television personalities, television programs and television ratings, but it wasn't as meaningless as it sounds. In fact, it was rather complicated.
- Officer George Frankly: Listen, kids! There are five Great Lakes! Springfield is the capital of Illinois, and when you multiply any number by 0 the answer is always 0!
- Wellworth Watching: Are you finished?
- Officer George Frankly: No, you are!
- [Revealing Vicious Vinnie as Wellworth]
- Sgt. Kate Monday: You know something, partner?
- Officer George Frankly: What's that?
- Sgt. Kate Monday: Wellworth Watching was...
- Sgt. Kate Monday, Officer George Frankly: Well worth watching!
- [They laugh and high five]
- Wellworth Watching: [as Vicious Vinnie Vermin] Okay, kids, time to join the Vicious Vinnie Vermin Fan Club. You'll receive, overnight, a Vicious Vinnie button, a Vicious Vinnie zipper, and a Vicious Vinnie glove, which can be used to pummel anyone who makes fun of you for wearing a Vicious Vinnie button and a Vicious Vinnie zipper. It's not too late to order: just go to your mother's purse and grab the long greens and send 'em to me!