Married... with Children (TV Series)
No Pot to Pease In (1994)
Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy
Photos
Quotes
-
[first lines]
Al : Welcome, family, to the first annual Bundy financial crisis summit meeting.
[has zero audience]
Peggy Bundy : [on phone] Ah, hello, Shop At Home Network? Yes, I'd like to order your Brazilian amethyst dinner ring. And, uh, can I get a dinner to go with that?
Al : While I have your attention, let's go over some of last month's bills! I'm sure we'll find a little *fat* here in our budget.
[picks up bill from huge carton box]
Al : Renewal notice for... Big 'Uns.
[Peggy looks at him amused, and he quickly hides it]
Al : Now let's start over here. Ah-hah! The Larry Storch School of Acting.
Peggy Bundy : Al... becoming an actress is very important to Kelly. And you will *not* break her heart by telling her she can't do it.
Al : All right, Peg, in that case, you get a job to help pay for it.
Peggy Bundy : Poor Kelly.
Al : By the way, Peg, you can do your part by cutting down this shopping network too.
Peggy Bundy : I don't shop that much.
Kelly Bundy : [enters] Hey, Mom, the stuff you ordered is here.
[a truckload of boxes outside, a huge truckload]
Peggy Bundy : Oh, goody! Ah...
[off to go have a look]
Kelly Bundy : Hey, Daddy, guess what happened? I am up for a role in a sitcom. It's called Peas in a Pod, and it's about this family named the Peases. And they live in this house and their lives and what goes on in their house and their lives.
Al : [smiles] Fox?
Kelly Bundy : Yeah! How did you know?
Peggy Bundy : [behind them] Oh, joy! My Boxcar Willie tapes are here! And my tiara!
[chuckles]
Peggy Bundy : I tell ya, it is just like Christmas, except with presents.
[chuckles some more]
Bud Bundy : [curious] What have you got...
Peggy Bundy : Mommy's stuff. Get outa here!
Kelly Bundy : [to Al] Anyway, I'm up for the role of the daughter. How's this for cosmic irony? In real life, I actually am one! What are the odds?
[chuckles]
Al : Indeed. But, pumpkin...
Kelly Bundy : Daddy, I have to get this part. I am perfect for it. Look!
[shows Al the script]
Kelly Bundy : Blonde.
[chuckles]
Kelly Bundy : Perky. Lit...
[can't pronounce word, shows Bud the script]
Bud Bundy : Literate.
Kelly Bundy : [real chuffed with herself] And that's the skills I learned at Larry Storch's. And I'm a shoo-in. Hey, Bud, try-out for this is tomorrow. Come help me rehearse my lines.
[jumps up from couch]
Bud Bundy : What's in it for me?
Kelly Bundy : I'll let you touch a picture of my friend Cindy.
Bud Bundy : Where?
[Kelly whispers in his ear]
Bud Bundy : Ohh!
[follows eagerly]
Al : Well, let's see, I have an unemployed actress for a daughter... A son who'd have sex with a fire hydrant...
Peggy Bundy : Oh, happy day! My TV Guide cover collector plates are here!
Al : [gesturing at Peg] That! Gee, I wonder where the next bolt of lightning will strike?
Buck : [family dog] I guess this isn't a good time to tell him I haven't been comfortable with my sexuality lately.