Married... with Children (TV Series)
I Want My Psycho Dad Part 1 (1994)
Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy
Photos
Quotes
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Al : Psycho Dad has been canceled. You know who's responsible?
Bob Rooney : Women?
Al : No. Marcy D'Arcy, Chicken at Large.
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Psycho Dad : [Reading Al's letter] "I like you. I really, really like you. No, not in that way. So please don't let them take you off, I beg you, fight this thing like you would fight a varmit or an ex-wife. Your friend, Al; P.S. What does Barbara Eden look like naked?"
Jefferson : Barbara Eden?
Bob Rooney : She's 1,000.
Al : I didn't mean now.
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Psycho Dad : [Al had sent in a letter he made by cutting out letters of words in magazines] I'd like to read this letter to you now. "Dear Psycho Dad," spelled S-Y-K-O.
Al : You try and find P's and H's in USA Today.
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Psycho Dad : Sure the cancellation was a shock. I felt heart, I've been rejected, I thought, "Well, nobody cares anymore about a simple saga of a guy run amuck in the old west."
Al : The man's a freaking poet.
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Psycho Dad : This letter arrived today.
Al : Maybe that's my letter.
Psycho Dad : It came "Postage Due".
Al : It is my letter.
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Al : Aw, real men don't write letters.
Griff : Except in Penthouse.
Bob Rooney : They got letters in Penthouse?
Bud Bundy : Of course they've got letters in Penthouse. So you've got something to do right after you...
[Peggy regards her son sharply]
Bud Bundy : Right after you... you finish reading the interviews.
Bob Rooney : They got interviews in Penthouse?
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Al : [to Kelly and Bud] Ah, you two are the best kids any father ever accidentally had.
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Psycho Dad : Yes, quit. Quit, apologize, and renounce forever the character of Psycho Dad. If this is the kind of following that I inspire, then I'm afraid I must stop leading. However, since the network's offering me big bucks, be sure to watch me in my new show: "Lefkowitz: Special Education Teacher's Aid". Thank you. And to you, Al: goodbye, and, uh, get help.
Ike : I can't believe Psycho Dad would sell us out.
Al : That's not Psycho Dad talking. He doesn't use words like "character" or "education" or "Lefkowitz". He's been brainwashed by people like Marcy and her do-gooders. Well, we've got to think of something.
Griff : Use the power of our giant manly brains?
Al : No, that'll take too long.