Married... with Children (TV Series)

How Green Was My Apple (1994)

Katey Sagal: Peggy Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peggy : Al, don't tell me you're calling the...

  Al : [on the phone]  Police?

  Peggy : Well at least don't tell them that you're...

  Al : Al Bundy here. I'd like to report a missing apple. No, not some stupid computer, I'm talking about a fruit. I know it's not a donut, but it's important to me.

  [to Peg] 

  Al : They're transferring me to the Chief of Stolen Produce. Hello, who is this? Lt. Granny Smith? You sound like that Officer Jalopy I talked to when I called to report the Dodge missing... Okay, that's it. I'm calling the mayor. Er, who is the mayor?

  [writes down name] 

  Al : "McCheese". Okay you're in trouble now, Buddy, I voted for him.

  [hangs up] 

  Al : And they say you can't fight city hall.

• Al : [Bud and his date are about to leave]  Son, since you're using the Dodge tonight, I need you to stop by the hardware store and pick up fifty pounds of manure for me and stop at the drug store and pick up some 'rhoid cream for me.

  Kelly : While you're there, get me some extra large maxipads too.

  Bud : Does anyone need me to pick up anything really embarrassing?

  Peggy : Suppositories!

• Peggy : Hey, are you sure you're not that little Partridge boy from 'The Partridge Family'?

  Surveyor : Yes, I'm sure. I've never been sure of anything in my life.

  [Reuben Kinkaid, the Partridge Family's manager enters] 

  Manager : Let's go! Come on, Danny we have to be in Pittsburgh by midnight. Come on... get happy!

  [carrying a guitar case, the surveyor leaves] 

• Al : Pumpkin! Pumpkin, I want you to do me a favor. Go to the hardware store and get Daddy some smudge pots.

  Kelly : [perplexed]  What are smudge pots?

  Al : They keep your apples warm, so they don't get frozen.

  Bud : You call them Marines.

  Kelly : Oh. All right.

  Al : And, Son, I have an even more important job for you. Go get me fifty pounds of manure.

  Peggy : Oh, and Bud, I need a jumbo box of tampons.

  Al : And don't forget my 'rhoid cream.

  Bud : Does anybody need anything embarrassing while I'm at it?

  [opens front door, gorgeous blonde on doorstep, his dream girl] 

  Al : [in unison]  Suppositories!

  Peggy : [in unison]  Suppositories!

  Girl : [alluringly, to Bud]  I was just coming over to see you.

  Bud : Uhm, not right now. I gotta go somewhere.

  Girl : [longingly]  Well, can I come with you?

  Bud : No! And don't follow me either!