- Alexander Waverly: Eh, try and be a bit more discrete in the future, Mr. Solo.
- Napoleon Solo: Yes, sir.
- Dean Timothy Dwight: And please, gentlemen, leave my daughter out of this! Since you've arrived, Minerva's been in jail, she's been in a brawl, Jonathan Trumbull has threatened to have me fired, the students are getting out of hand, and I think I am on the nerve of a vergious breakdown!
- [in a Thrush contraption connected to an electronic test]
- Illya Kuryakin: [about Napoleon Bonaparte's date of death] Come on, Napoleon. You should know that.
- Napoleon Solo: I was named after him. I wasn't at his funeral.
- Patricia Darling: You New Left? or old Left?
- Illya Kuryakin: Oh I favor the moderately conservative Left, slightly to the right of Rasputin.