- Jo McGuire: And since when did you become such an expert on teenage girls?
- Sam McGuire: Well, I got dumped by enough of them. I got cut loose by every girl I ever liked.
- Lizzie: So, I've been practicing my speech to ask Ethan out. You be Ethan, okay?
- David 'Gordo' Gordon: [imitates Ethan] Yo, Lizzie!
- [looks away with an empty face while Lizzie continues to speak]
- Lizzie: So, Ethan, the Sadie Hawkins dance is coming up soon.
- David 'Gordo' Gordon: My cousin had a hamster named Joely!
- David 'Gordo' Gordon: [about Ethan] He does like you! He just, you know, doesn't like you, like you.
- Lizzie: Why not? I mean, I'm decent looking.
- David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're very pretty.
- Lizzie: I'm a nice person.
- David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're a great person!
- Lizzie: And I'm wild and unpredictable.
- David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're... a great person.
- David 'Gordo' Gordon: [to Ethan] So you like girls who know things that you don't. You know what, that doesn't really narrow it down very much.
- Miranda: All parents want to do is poke holes in things. You know, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke... *poke*!
- Jo McGuire: Matt, what are you doing?
- Matt McGuire: [in a slow, mad scientist-type voice] Inventing the potion that will usher in thousands of years of evil... haa!
- Jo McGuire: Okay. Well, don't break anything.
- Sam McGuire: And don't touch my pineapple chunks. I'm making fruit kebabs later.
- David 'Gordo' Gordon: He hasn't cracked. He's just excited about the Sadie Hawkins dance. And since the girls ask the guys, this is his big chance.
- Lizzie: Okay, but does he actually think that Kate is gonna ask him?
- Lizzie: Okay, he's cracked.
- Lizzie: Okay, Gordo, stop! This is serious.
- David 'Gordo' Gordon: Sorry, go ahead.
- Lizzie: So, if... no one's asked you yet, I was wondering if you might wanted to go with me?
- David 'Gordo' Gordon: Look at the noise I can make!
- [makes fart noises with his mouth]
- David 'Gordo' Gordon: So, you know, the kind of girls I like, are European, you know, real sophisticated types.
- Ethan: Like Britney Spears!