Lizzie McGuire (TV Series)

Jack of All Trades (2001)

Adam Lamberg: David 'Gordo' Gordon

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Pettus : [to Gordo]  All right, Gorda, it's clear.

  Gordo : Gordo. Gorda's the big girl from ESL.

  Mr. Pettus : I may misspell your name, but I know your first project this year was an "A" minus. The rainforest terrarium.

  Gordo : My first and only "A" minus.

  Mr. Pettus : Yes, because your second project wasn't quite as good and neither was the one after that.

  Gordo : I'm sorry. I just didn't see the point in breaking my neck all year and not getting an "A."

  Mr. Pettus : You're supposed to be breaking your neck. I've been giving you B's to keep you from just sitting back and coasting.

  Gordo : I have not been coasting. I worked two weeks straight on that brain project.

  Mr. Pettus : You see? My technique is working.

• Gordo : What a day. I flunk the unflunkable test, my science teacher hates me and I'm going to be a blackjack dealer.

• [Gordo and Miranda are discussing why their science teacher, Mr. Pettus, seemingly hates him] 

  Miranda : Did he ever find out that you put that dead frog in his pocket?

  Gordo : It was alive when I put it there.

• Lizzie McGuire : [about Gordo's paper]  Gordo, this is amazing.

  Gordo : Not really. I left out all the stuff about the Coriolis Effect. I figured why bother for a lousy "B."

  Lizzie McGuire : That grade has to be a mistake. This is an "A+" paper.

  Gordo : Maybe if it had your name on it.

  Lizzie McGuire : If it had my name on it, it'd be called "Our Friend the Ocean."

• Gordo : [about taking the career aptitude test]  They expect us to know the square root of 162, but don't think we can remember how to fill in the circle.

  Mr. Pettus : Save your cleverness for your project, Mr. Gordon.

• Lizzie McGuire : Gordo, I've been thinking about what I want to do since we took that test and I realized, I have no clue.

  Gordo : I thought you wanted to be a veterinarian.

  Lizzie McGuire : Hello, I was 7. I also pretended I was a horse.

• Miranda : Okay, forget everything else I said about a career. Whatever I decide to do. I want to make a lot of money.

  Gordo : I thought you were all about following your passions.

  Miranda : One of my passions is money.

• Miranda : I'm going to be a Navy SEAL?

  Lizzie McGuire : Cosmetologist?

  Gordo : Blackjack dealer?

• Miranda : Okay, there is no way I'm going to be a Navy SEAL. A, you have to get your hair wet. B, you have to get up early and C, you have to get your hair wet!

  Lizzie McGuire : Hmm, cosmetologist. I never really thought about it, although I do have a flair for french-braiding hair.

  Miranda : Yes, you do. Did I mention I'm not getting my hair wet?

  Gordo : Hey, Monica and Rachel. Can we talk about something besides hair? Like why I'm supposed to be a blackjack dealer.

• Gordo : [about his science project]  This brain is mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. I built it, every lobe, every fissure. Me, yo, moi. While everyone else was at the water park trading Beanie Babies, I was slaving away like Igor and I can prove it. If you touch this button, the temporal lobe lights up. The temporal lobe controls your sense of hearing. I have great hearing. I know this because I'm the only one in this class who hears your lectures.

  Mr. Pettus : Now hold on.

  Gordo : And this one turns on the occipital lobe. The occipital lobe controls your sense of sight. Because of this lobe, you saw somebody else's project and gave away my "A-plus" to Madge the cosmetologist over there.

  Lizzie McGuire : Hey!

  Gordo : And this area is the frontal lobe. The frontal lobe controls higher intellectual functions and reasoning. For example, right now, my frontal lobe is telling me that I'm getting the shaft in this class, that I'm not getting the grades I deserve. It's telling me that the Man is trying to keep me down and that everyone is against me.

• Gordo : Look, Mr. Pettus. It was my fault that Lizzie McGuire handed in my project. I was just trying to prove that it's impossible for me to get a fair grade from you.

  Mr. Pettus : Is that what you think?

  Gordo : Did you just miss my one-man show?

• Gordo : [to Mr. Pettus]  So If I had put my name on the brain, what grade would you have given me?

  Mr. Pettus : Well, I'd have to take points off for the explosion.

  Gordo : Understood.

  Mr. Pettus : But it's still an "A" plus. I know a student's best work when I see it.

  Gordo : This is insane!

  Mr. Pettus : Make of it what you will.

  Gordo : Well, if you think bad grades motivate me, then why didn't you just expel me? Maybe then I'd get my PhD.

  Mr. Pettus : If you had a student with the potential to do anything, how would you keep him motivated?

  Gordo : Potential to do anything? You make want to rethink that. According to the Career Aptitude Test, I'm just going to be a blackjack dealer.

  Mr. Pettus : Listen, when I took that test, the result said I was most suited for a career in animal husbandry entertainment.

  Gordo : What kind of career is that?

  Mr. Pettus : Do you know what a rodeo clown is?