Last of the Summer Wine (TV Series)

Lipstick and Other Problems (2000)

Peter Sallis: Clegg

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Howard : Morning, Cleggy.

  Clegg : No.

  Howard : No what?

  Clegg : No anything. Means no; means not yes; means forget it, Howard.

  Howard : All I said was good morning.

  Clegg : Ah, that's very sneaky, Howard. Worming into people; wishing them good morning.

  Howard : What makes you think I'm after something?

  Clegg : Because you're always after something. Could you honestly pass the Pearl test? If I mentioned *her* name would you go whiter than white?

  Howard : That's not fair. I always go white.

  Clegg : Hmm.

  Howard : You've upset me now, Cleggy. You really know how to hurt a person. I was on me way out. All I said was good morning.

  Clegg : And you don't want anything?

  Howard : An apology would be nice.

  Clegg : Good morning, Howard.

• [last lines] 

  Truly : I think they took advantage of us there.

  Compo : They gave us a good price.

  Truly : We didn't want a motorbike.

  Clegg : We didn't want them doing a lot of talking, either. We'd've had to leave town.

  Compo : This big dillup made it worse.

  Truly : I was trying to explain to them that I was Truly of the yard. Wasn't my fault he thought I said Trudy.

  Compo : Trudy of the yard! Ooh, I like it.

  Truly : I just hope word never gets back to my colleagues in head-tapping and genital redesign. I shall be straight off their Christmas-card list.

  Clegg : Norman Clegg, they'll say, ran off to be a bag-lady.