- [discussing the People's Top Ten Sexiest Men Alive list]
- Norman Litkey: We are in competition on this thing with every major motion picture studio. No-one from television ever gets on.
- Larry Sanders: What about George Clooney?
- Norman Litkey: Well, he's Batman for Christ's sake!
- Larry Sanders: Yeah?
- Norman Litkey: I mean do you have any idea what kind of publicity machine Warner Bros. has? They could get Elmer fucking Fudd on that list!
- Hank Kingsley: I just want you to know that if I go to prison you won't have to come visit me because you already fucked me in the ass.
- Beverly Barnes: First, let's say hello to Phil.
- Charlie: What's he do?
- Beverly Barnes: He writes Larry's jokes.
- Charlie: Ooh...
- Beverly Barnes: Phil, this is Charlie.
- Charlie: Hi.
- Phil: Really? Didn't know you had a kid.
- Beverly Barnes: Charlie is our friend from the One Wish Foundation.
- Phil: Oh yeah yeah... how is it going there?
- Charlie: Good.
- Beverly Barnes: Ah Phil, maybe you could show Charlie how you put the monologues in the cue-cards.
- Phil: Oh wow... you know, I wish I knew how to do that myself. Nice to meet you, Charlie.
- Norman Litkey: Hello there, Mr. Sexy! Look at you. Look at you, you're so sexy I'm getting a woody, just looking at you. Look at...
- Larry Sanders: Don't frighten me, please?
- Norman Litkey: Ok, I'm not getting weird, it's just my way of telling you that you're officially one of People's top ten sexiest men alive.
- Norman Litkey: [about Hank's Cuban cigars] Where you get those?
- Hank Kingsley: I get these from a guy named Nonya.
- Norman Litkey: Nonya?
- Hank Kingsley: Yeah like in Nonya goddamn business!
- Larry Sanders: You know there's an audience sitting right there.
- Ben Stiller: There is? Oh my God! Hey, hey everybody, hey look at Larry, the big fat asshole.
- [audience applauses]
- Ben Stiller: Wheew! Asshole, man.
- Larry Sanders: I wish you could see how Jewish you look right now. It's unbelievable. Really.
- Ben Stiller: Really? It's incredible coming from a self hating Jew like yourself.
- Norman Litkey: Now are you ready for some good news cause I'm wetting myself.
- Larry Sanders: Yes, yes, I think we all are.
- Brian: I just talked to maintenance and they won't be able to bring a couch in here until next week.
- Hank Kingsley: And I'll tell them to expect me to do what, to go fuck myself?
- Beverly Barnes: Oh Hank, your language... there's a child present.