- Alan Partridge: No one will wear these clothes. They look rubbish. Ordinary people do not like those clothes.
- Phillippe Lambert: I like those clothes.
- Nina Vanier: I like them too.
- Alan Partridge: You're not ordinary, you're French!
- Yvonne Boyd: Really clothes are just things that cover up our mutual nakedness, I mean, underneath our clothes we're, all of us, naked. Even you, Alan.
- Alan Partridge: No, I'm not.
- Nina Vanier: All we are saying is that underneath your clothes you are naked.
- Alan Partridge: No, I'm not.
- Nina Vanier: [to fashion designer Yvonne Boyd] I'm a big fan of your clothes. I must say, the outfit you are wearing tonight is wonderful, I really love it.
- Alan Partridge: I didn't know that as well doing fashion you also do pantomime.
- Yvonne Boyd: What do you mean?
- Alan Partridge: I presume you're Widow Twankey?
- Yvonne Boyd: No.
- Alan Partridge: Are you an ugly sister?
- Nina Vanier: Alan, these are Yvonne's clothes.
- Alan Partridge: I'm sorry, I thought you did pantomime.
- Yvonne Boyd: No, I don't do pantomime.
- Alan Partridge: Well, maybe you should, you know, I mean... you've got the clothes. And without wanting to be vulgar, the money is very good.
- [a model comes on wearing a weird outfit featuring medical-themed objects]
- Alan Partridge: Is this man injured?
- Yvonne Boyd: No, the whole collection is based on images of hospitalisation.
- Alan Partridge: Right, so the idea is: you've had an operation, you want to look good on the ward, that's what you wear?
- Yvonne Boyd: No, they're for wearing anywhere. You wear them on the street.
- Alan Partridge: He's wearing slippers. Sorry, the only man I know who wears slippers on the street is called Douggie. He wanders round Norwich shopping precinct with a Cornish pasty in his hand shouting "Get away, it's a bomb!" He's insane.
- Yvonne Boyd: Well, maybe he's sane and we're all mad.
- Alan Partridge: This waistcoat covered in corn plasters, are they used?
- Yvonne Boyd: Of course not, don't be so ludicrous.
- Alan Partridge: Sorry, I'm being told I'm ludicrous by Mrs Whippy Head?
- Alan Partridge: You're sacked! You are sacked, I'm sacking you. In fact, it's happened, it's over, it's already happened, you are a sacked man. You've been sacked. You're the subject of a sacking, I want you off these premises in 10 minutes. Knowing me, Alan Partridge, sacking you, Glenn Ponder. A-ha!
- Alan Partridge: Sorry, I'm confused, I've got to ask a couple of questions. This man here, what's this round his midriff?
- Yvonne Boyd: It's a blood bag.
- Alan Partridge: What if it bursts?
- Yvonne Boyd: Well, you mop it up.
- Alan Partridge: What with? What with?
- Yvonne Boyd: With the eyepatch. It's not a problem. I mean, what if your nose bleeds? You know, what if your arm bursts?
- Alan Partridge: What?
- Yvonne Boyd: What if your arm bursts?
- Alan Partridge: Sorry, I've heard of a nosebleed, but in my 14 years of professional broadcasting, including 3 years as a hospital radio disc jockey, I've never had anyone come up to me and say "My arm's just burst. Could you play a dedication?"