- Danny Heffernan: Why can't I find a great girl?
- Doug Heffernan: I could tell you the truth, but it'd feel like a donkey kick.
- Carrie Heffernan: No, Doug, I don't want another line, okay?
- Doug Heffernan: Oh, well, you know what? Too bad, 'cause you're getting one.
- Carrie Heffernan: Well, you better get moving. Blockbuster closes at 10.
- Doug Heffernan: [Carrie starts walking up the stairs] I don't need Blockbuster. This is gonna be all me. It's gonna be so touching and heartfelt, you're gonna feel like a piece of crap!... A PIECE OF CRAP!