- Maya Gallo: Nina, will you please tell your cult that Elliot and I are not really married?
- Nina Van Horn: First of all, it's a church, not a cult, so open your mind. And second, as a deserter, I'd be tied up and caned.
- Nina Van Horn: No offense, but don't you think cat shows are a tad on the geeky side?
- Dennis Finch: Geeky? Let me drop a little history on you. Egyptian pharaohs worshiped cats, they were cool. MacGyver had cats, he was cool. And need I remind you of the longest running show on Broadway?
- Nina Van Horn: Chippendales?
- Nina Van Horn: When will you come clean to her about your action figure collection?
- Dennis Finch: Uh, the day when you officially turn forty.
- Nina Van Horn: Seven years is a long time, my friend.
- Nina Van Horn: The Church of the Rising Star is a dark and powerful religion with beliefs that stretch back to the mid-80s. So watch your back, refuse all refreshments, and don't say, "Hi, priest" to the high priest. It's not as funny as you think.
- Elliot DiMauro: Hey, Dennis. You made the tabloids.
- Dennis Finch: Let me see.
- Elliot DiMauro: [reading] "Is model Adrienne Barker wilder than we thought? The leggy beauty was spoted on the beaches of Tahiti with a topless, blond gal pal."
- Dennis Finch: Buying that Speedo was a mistake.
- Nina Van Horn: I know I'm not one to give advice, or take it, or pay for a round of drinks, but one can't just wake up one morning and decide to be a different person.
- Dennis Finch: Said the New York socialite who grew up on a hog farm.
- Maya Gallo: You may not take this seriously, but I haven't been asked out in two weeks.
- Elliot DiMauro: Have you even been asked?
- Maya Gallo: Obviously, I must be giving out some sort of vibe.
- Jack Gallo: Hey, Elliot. Whatcha looking for?
- Elliot DiMauro: Back issue.
- Jack Gallo: Which one?
- Elliot DiMauro: It... it had a health article in it.
- Jack Gallo: Can I help you?
- Elliot DiMauro: I found it.
- Jack Gallo: Oh, July. Wasn't that the one with the piece on impotence? Hey, Maya! Didn't you write that piece on impotence?
- [awkward pause]
- Jack Gallo: What's that? Line two?
- [leaves]
- Elliot DiMauro: I'm not a machine!
- Jack Gallo: Look who's back! Did you bring me back a starfish?
- Dennis Finch: Yeah, and a can of sunshine.
- [pause]
- Dennis Finch: You weren't kidding, were you?
- Jack Gallo: Remember, I waved goodbye and said "Bring me back a starfish!"
- Dennis Finch: I thought you were joking.
- Jack Gallo: No matter. We're just glad you're back.
- [to Elliot]
- Jack Gallo: I could not have been more clear.
- Elliot DiMauro: Do I look racked with guilt? No.
- [cut to Elliot in bed with his date]
- Co-star: Has this ever happened before?
- Elliot DiMauro: No!
- Elliot DiMauro: Look, with all due respect to your religion...
- Larry Fenwick: Oh, it's not my religion. I'm just a hired gun. But be careful, there are listening devices on the walls. I'm just kidding. I'm just lightening the mood.