Joan of Arcadia (TV Series)
Silence (2004)
Amber Tamblyn: Joan Girardi
Quotes
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Joan : I thought we were going with monotheism.
Twin-Girl God : I'm impressed you know what that is.
Joan : Why are you torturing me? And don't say I'm torturing myself.
Twin-Girl God : Sometimes it's hard to believe what you see, so you have to trust the world behind your eyes,
Joan : There's a world behind my eyes? Great, because this one isn't enough trouble.
Twin-Girl God : People manage to believe in me, even though they have no idea what I am, they trust me even in the silence.
Joan : OK. Can you take care of the rash and the barfing? Save the haiku for another time.
[Twin-Girls combine into one]
Joan : Very Matrix.
Twin-Girl God : Go to the doctor. You're sick.
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Little Girl God : Feeling better, Joan?
Joan : I feel like I got hit by a Hummer.
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Joan : [dabbing lotion on a rash on her leg] Great. Leprosy. Just in time for summer.
Luke Girardi : It's probably a staph infection you picked up in the locker room. Ooh. Very tenacious. Calamine's not gonna do it.
Joan : Hey, sometimes science should be seen and not heard.
Kevin Girardi : Legs are overrated. Take it from an expert; you can still get laid.
Joan : Do boys have to talk?
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Helen Girardi : Sorry, I'm running behind. Who wants pancakes?
Kevin Girardi : We're already eating, mom.
Helen Girardi : Eating what?
Kevin Girardi : Day-old burrito for me. Luke has some fish sticks, and Joan has some corn chips.
Joan : Bean dip. Protein.
Helen Girardi : You're all gonna get scurvy.
Luke Girardi : Joan already has it.
Helen Girardi : [seeing Joan's rash] What is that?
Joan : It's God's idea of a cruel joke. "Last day of school, party in the quad, everybody wearing miniskirts. Let's give Joan herpes."
Helen Girardi : Well, you look cute in jeans.
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Grace Polk : What's with the flea bites? STD already? I thought there was an incubation period.
Joan : A little louder, please.
Grace Polk : You seem kind of sweaty.
Joan : All this blatant flattery. I feel really great about myself.
Grace Polk : Does this have anything to do with... the do?
Joan : What "do"?
Grace Polk : That you did with Rove.
Joan : But I didn't.
Grace Polk : Everybody knows about the hotel.
Friedman : [passing by] Congratulations, and thank you for putting the sub-defectives on the map.
Joan : Whoa. Nothing happened, okay? Adam just... cleaned the carpet.
Friedman : I like. And the carpet seems very shiny today.
Joan : [softly slapping him] You pig!
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Joan : I don't feel so good.
Grace Polk : Friedman is a termite. Come on, buck up. You can't miss the Liberation Festival on the lawn. Student/faculty egg and spoon race, hmm? Who needs drugs?
Joan : Uh, I feel kind of dizzy.
Friedman : And hot.
Joan : Shut it!
Friedman : I mean... I meant hot.
Joan : Okay, I'm-I'm gonna do some vomiting. I'll be back.
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Joan : [sick in the school bathroom] Ugh. Barfing, rash, last day of school. You're a real party in a box.
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Joan : Oh, I'm sick.
Luke Girardi : Why don't you find mom and go home?
Joan : I went to the office and they said she'd left, and I can't find Adam.
Grace Polk : Oh, look, they made it three-legged this year. Inspired choice, tying yourself to a faculty member. I've had that dream.
Luke Girardi : I need to find Adam.
Luke Girardi : Hornsby's the one to beat. Three-year reigning champion.
Grace Polk : The typing teacher? He's, like, 80.
Joan : Where is he? Is he at the library?
Grace Polk : Are you talking to your little invisible friend?
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Mascot God : You should do it.
Joan : What?
Mascot God : Be in the race.
Joan : But you said go to the doctor.
Mascot God : I say a lot of things.
Joan : Okay... was that you in the bathroom?
Mascot God : It's me here now, and that's the point. My name is "I am", not "I was".
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Joan : What's going on?
Nigerian Doctor God : You're in the hospital. The doctor will see you. Then you'll know what's wrong.
Joan : Why are you acting so mysterious all of a sudden?
Nigerian Doctor God : I've always been mysterious. Without it, there is no faith. And we love faith.
Joan : Whose faith?
Nigerian Doctor God : Lie down. You're feverish.