Joan of Arcadia (TV Series)
Queen of the Zombies (2005)
Amber Tamblyn: Joan Girardi
Quotes
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Adam Rove : Check this out. Bennington. They have a great art department, plus all the liberal arts stuff for you.
Joan Girardi : Vermont?
Adam Rove : Mm-hmm.
Joan Girardi : Way too much snow.
Adam Rove : No, but they don't have grades there.
Joan Girardi : [interested] Really?
Adam Rove : Mm-hmm.
Joan Girardi : I do love maple syrup.
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Joan Girardi : God wants me to audition for a musical?
Gay Male Secretary God : The chorus. Where it all begins.
Joan Girardi : You're not serious.
Gay Male Secretary God : I'm always serious, which doesn't mean I'm not fun.
Joan Girardi : Okay, in case you've forgotten, I'm trying to get into a college. Work hard in the present so I can have a future. Do you remember when you said that?
Gay Male Secretary God : The future includes more than just you.
Joan Girardi : I know. That's why Adam and I are applying for schools together. Oh, by the way, any help you can give me with my essay, you know, to...
Gay Male Secretary God : Yeah. You'll need an up-tempo and a ballad. Anything from "Les Miz" is fine.
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Joan Girardi : What are you doing here, Friedman?
Friedman : Musical theater? Hey, straight man's paradise.
Joan Girardi : Gross.
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Johnny Broadway : Three words, people. Audience. In. Five. Days.
Friedman : That's, like...
Joan Girardi : [covering his mouth] Can it. I wanna get out of here.
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Will Girardi : I hope everybody's hungry.
Joan Girardi : I love it when dad's home. Maybe you should think about getting fired.
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Kevin Girardi : Hey, what's with the vino on Wednesday night?
Joan Girardi : Are we gonna become drunks now? That is so "Osbournes".
Helen Girardi : No. It's a celebration, a little surprise.
Will Girardi : We are no longer being sued by Andy and his barely-human family.
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Joan Girardi : Luke, no text-messaging at the dinner table. That's 21st century bad manners.
Luke Girardi : Joan, I'm in a bit of a situation.
Joan Girardi : Grace holding out on the sugar?
Will Girardi : Can we have five minutes to celebrate the survival of our life savings?
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Female Custodian God : Pretty nifty set, huh, Joan?
Joan Girardi : Ha! Not even God can bring back the word "nifty".
Female Custodian God : Don't tempt me.
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Joan Girardi : So this is about Adam building sets so we can be together in college, right? I mean, I know it's never that direct, but it's sort of about that, right?
Female Custodian God : Right. It's never that direct. One action always has a chorus of consequences.
Joan Girardi : Okay. So, it's about more than me and Adam.
Female Custodian God : Hard to believe, I know. Don't you just love the theater? People finding joy in creating whole new worlds? I couldn't keep that one to myself.
Joan Girardi : Can we just swing back to me for a minute here? Thanks. This "chorus of consequences". Can I have a few details? Because I'm trying to stay on track.
Female Custodian God : You're on track. Just stay open. You'll know your moment when it comes.
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Grace Polk : So, uh, your freakshow brother and Glynis, what were they like together?
Joan Girardi : Kind of in the middle of something here, Polk.
Grace Polk : Because before, I could make myself miserable all on my own. Now, they make me miserable. I have a problem with that.
Joan Girardi : You're not gonna stop, are you?
Grace Polk : Every time he and Glynis talk science, he-he-he acts like Captain Kirk getting it on with a hot alien.
Joan Girardi : That is gross on so many levels.
Grace Polk : Tell me about it. Nothing makes sense, dude. The inside of my head is like some gross stew the cafeteria wouldn't even serve.
Joan Girardi : You're jealous. It happens to everybody, you know. Othello, the green-eyed monster. Remember?
Grace Polk : Yeah, well, I hate it. It's like I'm a girl.