I'm Alan Partridge (TV Series)
Watership Alan (1997)
Christopher Morris: Peter Baxendale Thomas
Quotes
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Alan Partridge : You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth.
Peter Baxendale Thomas : I don't think this has got anything to do with class.
Alan Partridge : And the plums have mutated and have got beaks.
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Alan Partridge : You farmers, you don't like outsiders, do you? You like to stick to your own.
Peter Baxendale Thomas : What do you mean by that?
Alan Partridge : I've seen the big-eared boys on farms.
Peter Baxendale Thomas : Oh, for goodness' sake.
Alan Partridge : If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother.
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Peter Baxendale Thomas : You seem to alienate everybody you come across. Including, I gather, your wife, which is why you end up living like some bloody tramp in a lay-by.
Alan Partridge : It's a Travel Tavern.
Peter Baxendale Thomas : I don't care what you call your sordid little grief hole.
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[on his radio show, Alan is arguing with a representative from the farmer's union]
Peter Baxendale Thomas : I want to know where you think you've earned the right to go swanning off on these ludicrous...
Alan Partridge : Swans! Ah, swans, swans... You feed beefburgers to swans.
Peter Baxendale Thomas : Do I?
Alan Partridge : Yes, you do.
Peter Baxendale Thomas : All right, well, perhaps you can tell me what's wrong with feeding beefburgers to swans.
Alan Partridge : Oh. What?
Peter Baxendale Thomas : Well, if you fill a swan's stomach up with beefburgers, it's full of fat, it'll float better. That's why we do it.
Alan Partridge : Really?
Peter Baxendale Thomas : No, you complete cretin! I'm just contributing to this total farce!