I'm Alan Partridge (TV Series)

Basic Alan (1997)

Simon Greenall: Michael

Quotes 

• Alan Partridge : You must have got up to a few pranks in your time.

  Michael : Why aye. Hey, I mind this one time, right, I was stationed oot in Belize, right, and I had this little macaque monkey as a pet, right. And one day, I came back to me tent, right, and it had eaten all me fags. So I picked it up and I threw it in the sea.

  Alan Partridge : You threw a monkey in the sea?

  Michael : Well, he'd eaten all me fags, man, you know, it was a big packet of 200 duty-frees, like.

  Alan Partridge : You threw a monkey in the sea. That's awful. I was fishing for some sort of funny story. That's just upsetting.

  Michael : Well, you know, I wasn't thinking straight, right. You know, I just kind of got the red mist in front of me eyes and I just grabbed the monkey and hoyed it in the sea.

  Alan Partridge : Will you stop saying you threw your monkey in the sea? All I can see is a monkey spinning towards the water.

  Michael : Well, it didn't go straight into the water, it bounced off a rock.

  Alan Partridge : Oh, Michael! That's such a pointless death. At least when they experiment on them, they sort of get something out of it. Nice perfume or something.