I'm Alan Partridge (TV Series)

Alan Attraction (1997)

Simon Greenall: Michael

Quotes 

• Michael : [in his very broad Geordie accent]  Aye-aye, Mr. Partridge! Morning! Valentine's Day today, eh? Love is in the air!

  Alan Partridge : It's Valentine's Day today, and love is in the air?

  Michael : [nodding]  Aye! Aye!

  Alan Partridge : I'm getting the hang of this! Mind you, I have been here ten weeks.

  Michael : So, are we having the full English breakfast?

  Alan Partridge : Yes, please. Can I have my sausages burnt to a crisp, please? So that they can only be identified by reference to their dental records.

  Michael : OK. Either that or their fingerprints, eh?

  Alan Partridge : Can you fingerprint a sausage?

  Michael : Yeah, well, I suppose technically y'could, aye.

  Alan Partridge : I suppose if I was a burglar and I wanted to avoid detection I could strap sausages to my fingers. Probably survive a couple of break-ins before they started to fall apart.

  Michael : Aye. Maybes, maybes just have, like, a beefburger for your palm, y'know?

  Alan Partridge : No, that's a bit too far-fetched. I do enjoy these chats in the morning.

• [Jill has just smeared Alan with chocolate mousse, there is a knock at the door. Alan answers it, it's Michael] 

  Michael : Is everything all right, Mr Partridge? I heard a bit of commotion.

  Alan Partridge : No, no, it's fine.

  Michael : Oh, right. Erm, do you know you've got chocolate on your face?

  Alan Partridge : Yeah, I've just been eating some mousse.

  Michael : Oh right. Fine.

  [Alan wipes a little bit off his cheek and licks it. His face is still covered in mousse] 

  Michael : Aye, well, you've missed a bit.

  Alan Partridge : I'll deal with it later.

  Michael : Right. Hey, it reminds me of this time, y'know, we'd camouflaged ourselves up cos we were doing jungle exercises, right, out in Belize, but...

  Alan Partridge : [interrupting]  Michael, can we talk about this in the morning?

  Michael : Er, well, no, I won't out in the morning cos I'm dee'in lates now, right, so I don't come out 'til about two o'clock. So, you know...

  Alan Partridge : Well, you know,

  [tries to do a Geordie accent] 

  Alan Partridge : When the boat comes in. Er, er, booger off!

  Michael : Aye, OK.

  [saluting] 

  Michael : Message understood, sir!

  Alan Partridge : Stand down, at ease... you're not in the army anymore.