Charlotte Coleman: Lisa Lyons

Quotes 

• Ian Lyons : [reading a newspaper]  ''Bus shelter too small and dark, claims pastor.'' Now that really gets the adrenaline going.

  Lisa Lyons : It's a bit of a relief after a year of headlines in the South London Gazette. ''Shopper murdered for not handing over sausages."

  Ian Lyons : You know how irritating it is when somebody won't hand over their sausages.

• Ian Lyons : I could start with the basic stuff, portraits, weddings. Then get into the coffee table market, the Reader's Digest Book Of Country Fire Stations, A Pictorial Guide To Little Sweetie Shops And The Horrible Men In Them, Moss: A Celebration. Then the dark social commentary stuff. Pictures of inbred villagers and all that.

  Lisa Lyons : I'll give them a call.

  Ian Lyons : Yeah.

  [holds up camera] 

  Ian Lyons : What the hell is this?

  Lisa Lyons : Oh that takes groups.

  Ian Lyons : I thought you could just stand back.

  Lisa Lyons : Darling, are we sure this is such a good idea?

  Ian Lyons : Yeah, of course. Photography's like politics or cookery. Anybody can do it if they go about it with enough arse.

• Lisa Lyons : You've seen how I am with your parents. Just be like that with mine.

  Ian Lyons : The difference is, my parents are nice. They go on bird feeding expeditions and think Saddam Hussein has a nice smile.