- Dr. James Wilson: [seeing House has gone through a file on him] You know, in some cultures, it's considered almost rude for one friend to spy on another. Of course, in Swedish, the word friend can also be translated as "limping twerp."
- Dr. Gregory House: [breaking up an argument between Dr. Wilson and Dr. Foreman] Okay, you two, grab some scalpels and settle this like doctors.
- Dr. Wilson: You really don't need to know everything about everybody.
- Dr. Gregory House: I don't *need* to watch The O.C., but it makes me happy.
- Dr. Gregory House: You gonna tell me why this case?
- Dr. James Wilson: She's my new girlfriend, I'm having a tattoo designed, I was hoping you could find out her name.
- Dr. Gregory House: So, she's just another sick person that kindly Dr. Wilson has made sure doesn't get lost in the big ugly system.
- Dr. Gregory House: [in Cuddy's office with Foreman] Hey! He knows more homeless people than any of us!
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Foreman] Go check out the hood, Dawg.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: And the cancer wouldn't account for the alleged twitch, or any of her other alleged symptoms.
- Dr. Gregory House: Actually, it would. Neoplastic syndrome associated with a cancer could cause her to twitch like a bunny on crystal meth.
- Dr. Gregory House: The only thing we know for sure about Jane Doe is that her name isn't Jane Doe, which means no medical history.
- Dr. James Wilson: The only question is whether she dies in two months or three.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Oh, God!
- Dr. James Wilson: You were right. There's nothing we can do for her here. Might as well put her back on the street.
- Dr. Gregory House: Unless it's not cancer.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Oh, you're joking?
- Dr. Gregory House: [Sarcastically] Well, hard not to. There's nothing funnier than cancer.
- Chris Dewey: You're reading a comic book.
- Dr. Gregory House: And you're calling attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were having a state-the-obvious contest. I'm competitive by nature.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [approaching with two young-looking female interns] Dr. House!
- Dr. Gregory House: Time for Girl Scout cookies already?
- Dr. Wilson: Get me some Thin Mints.
- Dr. James Wilson: Yes, I forgot. I need a reason to give a crap.
- Dr. Gregory House: You're giving two craps.
- Dr. James Wilson: The metric system always confuses me.