- Sophia Petrillo: If you could have seen her face when I talked like Charlie, I almost wet myself!
- Dorothy: Listen, you vindictive little sea monkey!
- Dorothy: Look, you are going to tell Rose the truth.
- Sophia Petrillo: Or?
- Dorothy: Remember Shady Pines?
- Sophia Petrillo: Yeah, it wasn't so bad.
- Dorothy: I heard they sold it to some Germans.
- Sophia Petrillo: [gets up suddenly] Rose, sweetie, I need to talk to you...
- Dorothy: Rose, I think Ma has something she'd like to tell you.
- Sophia Petrillo: Yeah, how come your hair never moves when you do?
- Dorothy: That's a question, granted a good one, but we're looking for a statement.
- Rose Nylund: Sophia, this is the meanest thing you've ever done.
- Sophia Petrillo: Oh come on, how about the time I buried you up to your neck in the sand and let kids throw baseballs at you for a quarter?
- Rose Nylund: Well I can't hold that one against you, that was for charity.
- Sophia Petrillo: Yeah charity, right.
- [Blanche's coaching a baseball player by making him wear panties and he shows up in a blue dress]
- Dorothy: He comes out Stevie, now he comes in Edie!
- Rose Nylund: If I'm going to wear this, I have to know what it is.
- Miles Webber: Well it's a friendship ring, like Abbott might've given to Costello.
- Rose Nylund: Oh Miles, so we're... a dead comedy team?