- George Lopez: [the guys from the bachelor party are drunk and calling George a wuss] One more 'wuss' and I tell EVERYBODY at work who cried when the stripper pole danced to 'Over the Rainbow'.
- [everybody shuts up]
- Max Lopez: [carries Mr. Needles out on a tray, his head in a safety cone] Dad, the dog needs his shot.
- Frank: What's wrong with the dog?
- George Lopez: Why do you think something's wrong with it? He's diabetic and he can't walk. Angie bought him off some homeless guy.
- Frank: ...So do you have a name for him or are you waiting to see how this pans out?
- George Lopez: [Angie sinks against him dancing] Whoa, come back up here, *that* wasn't in The King and I.
- Angie Lopez: [sees the video of their dance] Oh my God!
- [look of horror]
- Angie Lopez: Oh my God.
- George Lopez: Should I fast forward to when the guys start pinning dollars on you?
- Angie Lopez: No.
- George Lopez: How about the part when you start spanking me?
- Angie Lopez: No!
- George Lopez: Hey Mom, you made it for the wedding.
- Benny: I'm just getting a plate, I'm not staying.
- George Lopez: Tell me you didn't cut the cake.
- Benny: I cut a piece off the back, nobody will notice.
- George Lopez: Hey, you gave the dog a name.
- Max Lopez: Yeah, I named him Mr. Needles because of all his shots.
- Carmen Lopez: [watching Angie's drunk dancing] Oh my God, Mom is going to be SO embarrassed.
- Benny: Not if you don't get the video camera!
- [Carmen looks at her and grins]
- Benny: Hurry!
- Benny: If you do find your father, tell him I want my virginity back.
- George Lopez: Why? What're *you* going to do with it?
- Benny: I'm gonna give it to anybody that's *man* enough to take it.
- George Lopez: [Ernie, Frank and Carl try to teach George to dance by drunk popping and locking] That doesn't look NEAR as pretty when you're sober.
- Benny: [after George snaps at her for belittling his search to find Manny] When he left, he changed his name to Henry Lopez for... financial reasons... so, look under Henry Lopez, oh, and I'm giving you *one* of his social security numbers.