- Benny: I want the truth and I want it now.
- George Lopez: Okay... you're not shrinking. Ernie and I have been lengthening your workcoat...
- Ernie: [coughs] Not that.
- Max Lopez: Wow, check it out, there's a big bear head over the fireplace. Is the rest of him on the other side?
- George Lopez: Think about it, the other side of this wall's the parking lot, did you see a huge bear ass out there?
- Max Lopez: [under his breath] Yeah, taking up the driver's seat.
- Vic Palmero: [Benny walks in on him naked in the kitchen] A real lady would turn around so I can cover myself.
- [Benny doesn't move]
- Vic Palmero: I believe we're having what's referred to as a Mexican stand off.
- Benny: Looks more to me like a Cuban missile crisis.