- George Lopez: Come on, Mom. How many times have you been judged by your background?
- Benny: Hey! When people judge me, it's because they know me. Not because of my background!
- Allison: [hands Max present] Here you go.
- Max Lopez: What's this for?
- Allison: Our one-week anniversary. Don't pretend like you don't remember.
- Max Lopez: Yeah... one week. Where has the time gone?
- Allison: So, what'd you get me?
- Max Lopez: Uh... close your eyes.
- [Allison closes her eyes, opens her hand while Max looks around room for a last minute gift]
- Max Lopez: Here you go.
- Allison: [looks at present] Gum?
- Max Lopez: ...yeah.
- Allison: You don't care about this marriage at all!
- [Allison runs out of his room]
- Max Lopez: It's grape!
- Carmen Lopez: How come Max is allowed to have a girl in his bedroom, but I'm not allowed to have a boy in my room?
- Angie Lopez: Please! He still thinks "making out" is looking for change in the couch.
- George Lopez: [about firing Hosni for being Araba and a professional flier] You don't understand how many times I've been discriminated. When I go to the mall, the cops follow me. When I'm mowing the lawn, some of the neighbors ask how much I pay. Once, when I was playing golf, a man actually drove up and gave me his keys to his car!
- Carmen Lopez: What did you do?
- George Lopez: I took it!
- George Lopez: Sometimes you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you. Sometimes you're what the bear leaves behind in the woods.